You are Ricky Ripoff, a guy who wants to make money by performing an insurance scam. You decide to set your car on fire, so you can collect insurance money for a new car. However, after burning the car, you remember that you never got car insurance. You suddenly remember that your friend, Robert, has car insurance so you go to his house and set his car on fire.You wake up in bed with Robert's wife, Katherine. She is wearing only her bra and panties as she looks at you sleepily. "I love it when my husband sleeps over," she says.
> You notice Robert took his wife's car and is home early. You hide in the closet.Robert returns home from work looking exhausted. He drops his briefcase on the living room floor and goes to take a shower. When he comes out of the bathroom, you pour gasoline all over him and light him on fire.
> You immediately are filled with regret and run home hoping the whole thing will blow over. Robert's wife stops you at the door."Where's my husband?" she demands angrily. "Why did you burn him? Did you want to kill him?" You tell her that Robert was drunk and fell asleep while driving and crashed into another car.
> You beg Robert's wife to use her life insurance money from Robert's death to help you buy a new car.Katherine thinks about this for a moment. "Okay," she finally agrees. You thank her and leave the house. The next day, as promised, Katherine hands you two hundred thousand dollars in cash.
> You immediately take the money to the nearest Lamborghini dealership and buy a hot pink Lambo.Your brand-new bright red Lamborghini Diablo V12 is parked outside the car dealership. You drive your new car home and park it in the garage. You now have enough money to be able to afford expensive food, clothes, and a place to live.
Cory, a sharply dressed police officer who is investigating Robert's murder, immediately notices your newfound wealth and stop by to interrogate you about the money.He accuses you of murdering Robert to get his insurance money, but you know that's not true because you didn't want Robert dead and would never hurt anyone unless they tried to harm you first. Cory leaves unsatisfied, but he will probably come back later.
> You cannot sleep and decide to take the Lambo out for a joy ride.As you speed along the highway, you see the most beautiful woman you've ever seen walking down the street. You decide to pick her up and bring her home with you. When you pull up to her apartment building, she gets into your car.
The woman pulls a gun on your and steals your Lambo.The next time you see her, she's wearing your Lambo's seatbelt, driving the car through town. You call the police but you realize that it's too late; she's gone.
Cory pays you a visit and notices your Lambo is missing.He is satisfied that you were innocent and tells you that he doesn't need to arrest you. Robert's wife comes home and finds the empty parking space where your car used to be. She wonders what happened to her husband and begins to suspect that you had something to do with his death.
> You decide to take that little remaining money you have from the life insurance and take it to the casino to play roulette.The roulette table is covered with chips and there's nothing else around except for a half-empty bottle of vodka. It seems like a good opportunity to win some quick cash, so you bet everything you have on black.A few spins later, you are surprised to find that you've won! You are now rich again. You quickly return home and begin to plan how to spend all your money. What's that?A police car? What is Cory doing here? You're afraid that the police might think you killed Robert and are planning to arrest you. You try to calm yourself down and remember what you told Cory: That Robert was drunk and fell asleep behind the wheel.
> You calmly approach Cory and ask why he is following."I'm investigating the murder of one of my officers," says Cory. "He was found burned alive in his car." "Oh no!" you say, visibly upset. "Is there anything I can do to help?""Yes," says Cory. "We need you to identify the body of the victim if we find it." Cory escorts you to the morgue. You look at the corpse of Robert and notice that he's wearing your jacket.Robert's wife arrives to the morgue to identify the body. She tells them that Robert wasn't drunk when he crashed into the other car. Cory is furious. "She lied to us," he cries.
> You ask "I'm gonna need my jacket. Can I take it off of Robert's corpse?"Cory sighs and nods. You remove your jacket and put it on Robert's corpse, then leave the morgue. After a long night of gambling, you're tired and ready to go home.
> You are feeling extra lucky and so against better judgement, you return to the casino and put it all on black again.This time you win big. You're now a multi-millionaire. Cory appears in front of you again. "I'm glad to see that you're okay," he says, relieved.
It is late, and you decide to get a room at the casino to spend the night. You are surprised that Officer Cory does the same and stays in the room right across from yours.The next morning, you wake up early and head to the casino, hoping that you'll win big today. You feel sick to your stomach when Cory approaches you with a gun pointed at your chest.
Police surround the casino and Cory tells you he has caught you red handed. You ask what proof he has and Cory shows youyour jacket, which is still on Robert's corpse. "So I guess this means you're guilty," Cory sneers. You ask him to drop the gun before he kills you. Cory drops the gun and asks you to tell everyone who you really are.
You panic and gamble one last time before going jail. "Black" you say as the roulette spins for one last time.Then the wheel stops: black. You win... again! This time, Cory wants to hear all about who you really are. You explain that you're an honest man who loves his family and wishes only to live in peace.
The moral of the story:never trust a cop. You thank Cory and apologize for accusing him of being corrupt. Cory and his men escort you out of the casino, locking you in handcuffs once they leave. Once outside, you see that Cory has left something behind.A brand new Lamborghini. Cory has given you your very own Lambo to drive away in, after all. But it's not just any old Lambo. This one is fully loaded.
EP 517 – Story #1 – Ricky Ripoff – You are Ricky Ripoff, a guy who wants to make money by performing an insurance scam.
Posted under Episode 517, Story On By Chief