EP 515 – Story #2 – Gnomer – You are Gnomer, a Gnomish Prankster.

Posted under Episode 515, Story On By Chief

You are Gnomer, a Gnomish Prankster. Your latest nasty little gnome prank has gotten the attention of the Royal Human Army, who 

have sent a battalion to burn your cute little gnome-home to cinders!
The battalion of soldiers march through town square. They wear uniforms reminiscent of those worn by the ancient Roman Empire. Each soldier bears a standard with an eagle in the center. The eagle wears a laurel wreath and carries a large scroll under his claws.
 You look closely at the scroll. It appears to be the outline for an engineering project. The scroll is covered in complicated mathematical equations.
You glance at the soldiers in their gleaming armor and the scroll they carry.

> You see the head solider looks very different from the roman soldiers. You find out he is a Cybernetic Space Marine named Jerry who has a weird fascination with Gerbils.

You are in Gnomer's Shop.
Gnober's Shop is a small, ramshackle shop that houses all of Gnomer's best merchandise. Although Gnomer keeps his inventory well organized, the inside of the shop is quite cluttered.

> You find what you are looking for: a windup gerbil toy. You use it to distract Jerry while you steal the scroll.

Jerry notices that a gerbil on a string has fallen over. "Oops! I dropped him!" He picks up the gerbil and gives it a cuddly squeeze. The gerbil squeaks happily as he clings to the cybernetic space marine.

You take the scroll back to your workshop and find out these actually the blueprints to

 a very complicated piece of equipment. It appears to be a robot dog. There are no schematics on how to build the robot, but there are detailed plans for a special paint job to give the robot its distinctive appearance.

You paint yourself to look like the robot dog in the pictures. Jerry notices you walking around town and is shocked. He takes you to his bunker which is hidden behind a force field.

The bunker is a dark, dank place full of garbage and junk. It appears to be a former storage area.
Jerry tells you he made this bunker to hide from the humans. "They think gnomes are little kids," says Jerry, "and we hate when they make fun of
"So what are you going to do now?" you ask.
"We are going to use this bunker to build a robot dog that can fight them!" says Jerry, "With a robot dog, we will be able to tell our own story!"

You look on Jerry's workbench and notice a picture of Cory from AIPD disguising himself as a gnome.

 "Hmmm," thinks Gnomer, "maybe I can help."
You look at the picture more closely. "What's that in the background? It looks like the human soldiers are wearing Roman armor," you say.

You and Jerry work tirelessly to build the Robot Dog using scrap parts that find in the garbage. However Jerry tells you the robot dog is missing 1 crucial component:

 the brain.
Jerry decides to use his own brain as a blueprint for a robot brain, so it can be used to control the dog.
The brain is extremely powerful and complex, but it doesn't match the robot dog.

Jerry's brain is far too big for the robot dog enclosure, but it will have to do. You and Jerry the Robot Dog storm the Roman capital.

 You blow up a catapult while Jerry controls the robot dog and you shoot down a plane with a missile launcher.
You destroy the Roman soldiers in an epic battle. Your robot dog then attacks the Roman Palace.

You notice Caesar has been waiting for your arrival and attempts to make a deal with you to fight for the Romans and not Jerry:

 "We'll give you whatever you want in return for sparing the life of my general and the rest of our forces. Just leave the gnomes alone and we won't kill you. We have nothing against gnomes."

This information shocks you. The Roman empire was not human, but instead very tall gnomes! You've been killing your own people! You agree to help Caesar and head to the city center to find Jerry.

As you march towards the capital, Caesar meets you at the palace and tells you the gnome general has already surrendered.
You are inside a human factory that looks like the inside of a computer.

Jerry has built a human factory to amass an army capable of taking over the word. You see Jerry approach and ask if you have killed Caesar, yet.

You tell him how you did kill Caesar, but now you must defeat him before he takes over the world.
"Good!" says Jerry. He tells you there's a secret passage between the Roman capital and the city of Gnomer.

Will Jerry is walking ahead of you, you stab him right in the brain with a dagger Caesar gave you.

You use the key Caesar gave you to open the secret door.
This room contains Caesar's computer console.
Caesar appears on the screen and tells you about the great war you're fighting to defend his empire:
"The humans have stolen the secrets of gnomedom," says Caesar


You hit the self destruct sequence which has a 5 minute countdown and will destroy the entire Roman empire. Caesar is disappointed and tells you, "

It's too bad I have no other choice." He pushes the button and the countdown ends.
There's an explosion and everything goes dark. You hear voices outside the bunker, but you can't see anything in the dark.

> You say "Veni, Vidi, Vici."

"Where did that come from?" says Jerry.
"You taught me to say it."
Caesar is standing there and he smiles. "I won! You have failed and now the humans control the world!"

However Caesar does not see the magical creature you have just summoned right behind him: a giant

 bat. It's so big that its wingspan almost completely blocks out the stars.
The bat is flapping and screeching angrily.  "What do you want, gnome?" asks Caesar, "Are you going to fight or are you going to flee?"

The giant bat eats his head clean off his body and flies away.

You open the secret door. The room inside is black, cold and damp. A single light bulb hangs from the ceiling, giving you enough light to see.
Jerry is chained to a wall, surrounded by the dead bodies of his friends.

You close the door, ignoring Jerry's screams for help. You live a quiet life in the forest and you never tell another living gnome about what happened that day.

One day you are hiking through the forest when you find Cory's old toy, the Gnomerian gnomes.
It is filled with gnome memorabilia.
As you go further, you see more and more gnome items.

The moral of the gnomes:

Be careful who you trust.
Your investigation has taken you to the House of the Lost, where you find Jerry in a basement.
He tells you he needs your help and that he knows you're a good person.