EP 507 – Story #3 – Francis Foodsworth – You are Francis Foodsworth, a guy who loves eating lots of fast food.

Posted under Episode 507, Story On By Chief

You are Francis Foodsworth, a guy who loves eating lots of fast food. One day, you buy a jumbo large bucket of chicken strips. After buying the bucket, you start walking home. Cory runs up to you and takes your bucket away from you. You say, "Ah, my bucket!"
"Give me your bucket," Cory replies.
"But that's mine."
"Why would I want to steal your bucket?" Cory asks. "It doesn't even have any money in it.

You realize Cory is also wearing a bucket on his head. You decide to just let him take the bucket as charity.

 "Okay," you say. "But why would anyone want to wear a bucket on their head?"
Cory shrugs and says, "Dunno... but I'm hungry, so let's go eat somewhere else."

You are still hungry, too, so you take Cory to your favorite restaurant:

 The Bucket, a burger joint located right in the center of town. You order a big juicy steak sandwich with extra cheese sauce. Cory gets a double cheeseburger combo.
The waiter brings you both your food and Cory's bucket, which he puts on top of his head.

You see Cory is in pain as the hot grease from his burgers and fries drip down his face onto the table. Cory yells, "AH MY BUCKET!" You ask Cory, "Why do you wear buckets on your head?"

"I can't help it," Cory replies. "It's an ancient bucket curse."
You realize that Cory is crazy, but he's still your friend, so you say nothing and just continue eating your delicious lunch.

Cory continues to elaborate about his ancient bucket curse.

 He tells you that people who don't have buckets on their heads will be turned into buckets if they accidentally walk near someone with buckets on their head.
"Oh my God, how can that even happen?"

You lean in for a greasy kiss with Cory.

After lunch, you both head over to Cory's house to play some games.
You are Cory's girlfriend. You have been dating Cory for almost two weeks now and you love him very much.

You learn a lot more about the bucket curse. You learned that he was first cursed after an accident at a chicken restaurant where

 Cory worked. A bucket fell onto Cory's head from above and his bucket curse activated.
One day, Cory decides to go on a treasure hunt. He writes a map for his treasure hunt, but there is a note that reads, "The treasure is right here."

You look at the map and see a crude drawing of you and he is pointing directly at it. How cute! You realize you have to do something to break this bucket curse for the love of your life!

You decide to visit the fortune teller next door to your apartment building. The fortune teller says that he knows a way to break the bucket curse and save Cory from the dreaded bucket curse. "But the price will be steep," he warns.

> You say "I will pay anything, just tell me what I need to do."

"Very well," says the fortune teller. "You must travel far and wide, through deserts and mountains, over rivers and streams and around forests. You must go into the deepest depths of the ocean and up in the tallest mountains, even to the farthest reaches of space.

You do so and gather the 5 infinity chicken bones. You put them into the chicken bucket gauntlet and attempt to break the cursed bucket upon Cory's head.

You pull the trigger and shoot the bucket, which pops open and releases Cory's head.
Cory screams and falls to his knees as you hold him tight, relieved to see him alive. Cory says, "You saved my life!"

You see a picture of Cory's dearest friends, Jason and Tony, fall out of his pocket.

 You recognize their names. You find them both dead and scattered across town.
You have seen enough. You put down the bucket and give Cory a big kiss, then tell him you want to call it quits.

You and Cory retire to a place you call paradise:

 your apartment in Cory's house. You and Cory have been living together there ever since. You are very happy with the arrangement.
A few years later, you and Cory get married.
Cory is your husband.

You write a book about your adventure to break the bucket curse so that future generations will know what they have to do if the bucket curse ever returns. You name the book:

 Bucket Fever!
In this book, you tell how Cory wore buckets on his head as an expression of his love for you, until he eventually ended up cursed with the bucket curse.
After reading the book, Cory has a new perspective on bucket curses and now wears his bucket proudly.

You fall to your knees and scream into the sky that Cory has slipped up and recursed himself with the bucket curse!

Cory begins to cry and panic when the bucket pops open, then screams and falls to his knees.
You immediately grab him and say, "Cory, don't worry, it's okay."

You are too old to travel and collect the stones required, you decide to live a happy, but short life with Cory as the grease slowly consumes him.

One day, Cory says, "I'm sorry. I just couldn't help myself," and pats his head. The grease begins to melt, and Cory falls to the ground. You see him take his last breath.

You start a charitable foundation in Cory's name and call it

 the Cory Bucket Foundation.
The Cory Bucket Foundation has collected more than $80 million dollars in donations since its founding.
This money is used to fund bucket research and find a cure.
After all, the bucket curse affects everyone at some point, and even those who have no buckets on their
 heads are still affected by the bucket curse.
You donate your fortune to the Cory Bucket Foundation.
Your bucket is empty again and you realize how much you need your bucket.
You must fill the bucket quickly before the bucket curse activates again!

Against all logic, you put the bucket upon your own head in Cory's honor. You close your eyes and let the grease take you away.

A few seconds later, you feel your hands slip through the bucket.
"Don't worry, I'll be back soon!"
You open your eyes to see yourself floating in space. You see the bucket falling slowly from your hands, then you fall onto the moon.

You find Cory sitting on the moon and you hold hands as you sit silently and watch the Earth become grease and explode.

You have now reached the end of your story. You know that the bucket will never rest until it destroys the universe.
You close your eyes as the bucket explodes in the sky, sending you back to the beginning of your adventure with a grin on your face.