EP 506 – Story #1 – Garry Clinton – You are Garry Clinton, a criminal in a chaotic city known as Los Santos.

Posted under Episode 506, Story On By Chief

You are Garry Clinton, a criminal in a chaotic city known as Los Santos. You are trying to save up enough money to buy a hover bike called the “Oppressor Mark 2” but are not being attacked by
 many enemies at the moment so you decide to go through your phone and see what you missed while you were busy getting shot or stealing cars.
You dial the number of a friend named Tony Montana who has a lot more experience in the game than you do:
Tony Montana: What's up Garry

You tell Tony Montana about your new business ventures.

Tony: You don't have any idea how much money is out there for the taking! I've been looking all over for you since the last time we met up. I even told my homie Tiny Tony that he should start using your services instead of his own because he was ripping off people


You pay Tiny Tony a visit and tell him to stay off your turf!


Tony: Okay, no problem. I'm just trying to do business with you man. What's up?
You say that you would like to meet at 


Tony's apartment building to discuss the finer points of crime.

You ask, "Tiny Tony, how is your legal guardian, Jason Montana, doing?"

Tiny Tony: Oh yeah, he's okay. He's working at a grocery store and he's thinking about going back to school for law enforcement.
You laugh, "That's awesome man."

You look around Tiny Tony's apartment and realize he has many expensive and rare items like:

- An authentic Zima sign
- A "Life is Good" coffee mug
- The original Cenobite from the movie "The Cenobites"
- A VHS copy of the film, "Cannibal Holocaust"
- A painting that is worth several thousand

- a DVD full of kids getting hit in the face with balls

- A large statue of Satan


: How'd you get all this stuff, 

Tiny Tony?
Tiny Ton

y: Well, I went to a yard sale and I got really lucky. The guy who lived here was into taxidermy and had a bunch of taxidermied animals.

You notice a large taxidermied

 tiger sitting on the floor next to Tiny Tony.
You: Is that a tiger?
Tiny Tony: Yeah, I think so. It was an African lion or something. Anyway, I stole the taxidermied animal from its owner and kept it as a pet.

You realize after spending time with Tiny Tony that he is not such a bad guy after all and you ask him to join forces with you and rule Los Santos together!

Tiny Tony: Okay. But you gotta let me keep my stuff man.
You are a crime lord in the city of Los Santos. You've decided to form a partnership with Tiny Tony.

You decide to make some changes to Los Santos starting with

 the most important one first:
You: Hey, Tiny Tony. What do you think about having a "Hobo Stampede"?
Tiny Tony: Like what, dude?
You: I'm gonna have Hobos come into town and rampage through the streets looking for food and money
You tell Tiny Tony how much fun you had during the previous night's "Hobo Stampede" where you used the "Uncle Rico" glitch to speed up time and kill all the homeless people in town!

Tiny Tony looks worried that you would kill so many people without and regard for human life and plots to have you killed. You are unaware of his intent to kill you, and happily agree when he invites you to a festival at the docks. But when you arrive, there is no festival, only

 a crowd of homeless people.
You tell Tiny Tony: "That's weird."
You realize that Tiny Tony has arranged for your death and then laughs heartily.  He takes you into an alley and asks you to stay quiet.

Tiny Tony then arms all the homeless with various melee weapons like

 baseball bats and machetes.
You look around to see who is going to attack first:
- The mob of Hobos
- A mob of Hobos armed with guns
- A mob of hobos wielding fire axes
- A mob of Hobos with hammers

The answer is all of the above. You try to run, but there is no place to go and no place to hide. The swarm of Hobos engulfs you and proceed to beat the living hell out of you.

  One of the Hobo's swings a hammer straight into your stomach.  You scream in pain as your guts spill all over the ground.
Your eyes turn white with anger. You yell: "No!"

You realize the only way to win is to cheat. You bring up the cheat console and type in the following cheat code:

"Uncle Rico".
You speed up time and start killing the mob of homeless people like crazy.  In the time it takes for you to take three steps, they can kill twenty people.

Tiny Tony has prepared for this moment and enters a cheat code of his own:

"Saints Row 3."
He turns off the game's main menu and changes the cheat code to "Saints Row 3" instead.
The cheat code, "Uncle Rico", is a very useful code to use when dealing with the homeless because it allows you to instantly kill them.  For example, if you type it at the start of the game, you can run around killing all the people without even fighting them!

However the cheat code "Saints Row 3" has the perfect counter to this by

 allowing you to slow down time while also making the entire world invincible.  The two codes combined give you an incredible advantage over any opponent.
Tiny Tony's strategy was brilliant in that he made it impossible for you to run away from him and then set you up to fail by giving you a
 cheat code you knew nothing about.
He planned on having you killed at the end of the game, but he had underestimated you.

You say, "what's the deal with homeless people, just get a house!"

Tiny Tony replies: "No way. I'm living the dream!"

You are shocked and finally realize that Tiny Tony himself is homeless!

You decide to try and befriend him.  You approach the homeless man and ask him:
- What's your name?
Tiny Tony: I'm Tiny Tony!
You ask: "Where are you living now?"

You then realize that home is where you make it and no homeless are truly without a home.

Tiny Tony answers: "On the streets, man. And I do pretty good for myself.
I've got my own place here. This alley, that's mine!"
You look behind the man and see a small shack that he built for himself in the alleyway.