EP 504 – Story #3 – Barry – You are Barry, a highschool ninja.

Posted under Episode 504, Story On By Chief

You are Barry, a highschool ninja. You are really struggling with Driver's Ed.
 Tonight you have to drive your teacher home, and then bring the car back before curfew. But your mom won't let you take the car out after dark...
You're a kid in high school, so you know all about the supernatural.

You are driving your teacher home when he asks you to make a detour. You stop at a creepy house and your teacher brings out a tub of spaghetti that your he won't share with anyone.

 Suddenly, there is a giant snake monster made of blood, gore, and guts attacking you. You can fight it off, but only if you can get your teacher to eat the spaghetti.
In the future, the world has been ravaged by war with the invading alien forces called "the
 Horde". Humanity's last hope is the Shoggoth, a single living creature of immense power. When a mysterious event causes this entity to manifest on Earth, the human race must band together to protect their planet from the advancing enemy.

You crash the car and manage to escape while the creature eats your teacher who spilled his spaghetti all over your car.

 While running away from the beast you find a woman lying on the road. She looks like she might have been bitten by a vampire and turns into a zombie right in front of you. You shoot her dead and you don't want any zombies coming after you, so you run back to your teacher who
 has eaten enough spaghetti for both of you.
You are driving through the country on your way home, but you seem to be getting lost. You pass a small shack in the middle of nowhere.

Your teacher suggest staying the night there as it is getting late and who knows what other creatures are out there. You agree and enter the shack to see

 it full of strange and disturbing images, all painted on the walls. You walk to the back to see that there is a bed and a stove. Your teacher goes to sleep immediately as you take some of his spaghetti for dinner.

You cannot sleep and you hear the front door of the shack get kicked in and a mysterious figure enters and yells, "IT'S ME DR MICHAEL MORBIUS AT YOUR SERVICE!"

The figure appears to be wearing a tuxedo and it turns out to be a zombie monster, but it is very slow, so you are able to escape. You grab your teacher and flee from the zombie beast.

Dr Morbius opens his mouth and releases 1 morbillion bees.

 The bees swarm all around you and attack you, but you manage to survive and they eventually fly back into their master.

You notice your teacher is looking at you with a confused expression on his face. Your teacher asks, "Did you eat my spaghetti?"

"No, I did not," you reply. "But maybe we should go to a hospital because I think I was bit by a vampire."

Shogoth appears before you and exclaims, "

Why so many humans? This is why I wanted you to eat the spaghetti! It would have been better if you had eaten it all!"

Your teacher grins and pulls out a second tub of spaghetti that your teacher stole from Morbius.

 Morbius cries in despair, "I ate your spaghetti already! Why didn't you eat any of mine?!"
As you eat the second pot of pasta, you say to your teacher, "At least this time we both got to eat your spaghetti!"

You begin to transform as the pasta enters your body, you feel the marinara course through your veins, and you turn into

 a giant, walking mound of delicious, tomato-based meaty goodness.
You eat the entire second pot and become a very large, hungry, human-shaped blob of spaghetti and meatballs. The horde of zombies is driven back by your overwhelming hunger.

Your new pasta form easily defeats Shogoth in hand-to-noodle combat.

 As the last strands of spaghetti break off your body, you sigh happily, satisfied.
You and your teacher are reunited as you go about eating all the remaining food in the world and destroying any human beings who oppose you.

The moral of the story:

 Always be nice to your teacher or one day they might bite your ass and turn you into a giant, super-powered blob of pasta.