EP 503 – Story #1 – Ulrich Urist – You are Ulrich Urist, a dwarf from the KIngdom of Larion.

Posted under Episode 503, Story On By Chief

You are Ulrich Urist, a dwarf from the KIngdom of Larion. Strike the earth!
 You strike the earth and it shudders beneath you as though the very earth is groaning. The mountains shake with the blow. You have struck it right in the heart! You know it has fallen for you.

You sift through the fallen earth and find

 the gold that lies there. It is not a great amount, but you take it to the King of Larion, who takes it into his treasure room and stores it away. He calls together his advisors.

You put on Cory from AIPD's silk nightgown.

 It is a simple thing made of white muslin and drapes loosely across your shoulders. She runs her fingers over your chest, down your belly until she finds what she wants. "Let me suckle you."
 You hesitate for only an instant. In this place, in this moment, nothing could be more natural or right. She sucks your cock with slow, deliberate strokes, stroking you until you cry out in pleasure and need.

You are interrupted by the King who hears the disturbance! He bursts in the room and screams at you, "

What have you done?!"
You tell him of your vision and he doesn't believe you. "Why would Ulrich Urist dream such a thing?" He shakes his head. "No matter. The land must be punished!"

The king declares war on the land

, and you are one of the first to fight against the orcs. Your axe strikes their flesh as though it were soft leather. They fall before you like the blades of grass in a storm. You don't know how long you can keep up this furious pace.

You seem to be winning the war on the land until Messy Bessy, the cow responsible for starting the Chicago Fire, left unattended arrives.

 She spits a stream of fire onto your foot and you are forced to leap away. Your foot goes down into a burning pit, and you fall helplessly into the flames.
"I will not allow you to stop me from getting what I want!

You retreat to the castle

 and take all the gold you can carry. You then flee into the desert, never to return.
The dwarves of Larion discover your treasure and become rich. You watch them as you make your way through the mountains towards the sea.

You lean in for a kiss with a scrappy boat captain and beg him to take you far away.

 He refuses at first, but finally agrees to row you across the sea.
As you watch the cliffs fade behind you, you imagine you can see the dwarves returning to Larion. You watch them from the deck of your boat as they leave you behind, but you feel no fear.

You notice another boat behind you. There is a cow in it, staring at you. It is Bessy.

 She has come back to exact her revenge.
When you see she intends to board the vessel and kill you, you drop all your gold into the water, forcing the captain to abandon ship and run away.
You watch from the beach as the cow burns your boat to ash.

You barely make it to shore alive and are immediately confronted by Messy Bessy. You beg for your life and Messy Bessy tells you there is one thing you can do to avoid her wrath:

"I cannot surrender," you tell her. "The only thing that keeps me going is the desire to have sex with a woman who will not be angry at my betrayal!"
"Then you must die."

You attempt the charm Messy Bessy.

 As you concentrate, you feel something happen within yourself. You sense a shift inside your mind, like you're being forced to open your eyes into something much bigger than before. The world around you feels like a small speck in an enormous expanse.

You break out your best romantic one-liner:

 "I would rather die happy than live a miserable life." You turn and run as Bessy follows you, howling her rage.
"Give up on me, will you? I don't care about your plans or your schemes!
 My body will burn up with desire!"
You try to resist but you feel weak from lack of sleep. The bed creaks as you lay on it and Cory begins to suckle. You know it is wrong, but you are powerless to stop it.

Bessy bursts into the room, spewing fire everywhere

. She roars at you and you try to run away, but Bessy is faster. You scream in terror as she tears your shirt off. You see her for what she truly is: a cow!

Messy Bessy is hurt by your true, but insensitive comments about her appearance.

 You were right to be afraid. You knew that Bessy was the sort to return to exact her vengeance. You tried to make light of her. That was an unforgivable mistake.
As you are dying, you call out to Cory and tell her that this is all your fault.

Cory begins to suckle Bessy's udders

, continuing to do so even after Bessy stops moving.
"You may have won, but I will avenge myself. Someday your heart will melt like butter under the pressure of my magic."

Bessy melts into a pile of a butter.

 Her bones and flesh transform into a giant vat of melted butter.
The dwarves take her body and use her to make their own version of Aunt Jemima.
You watch from the sidelines as the dwarves, and eventually everyone else, come to love the butter-colored woman with her tall hat

Everyone eats pancakes to celebrate.

You weep for what you once had, but it's over now. All that's left is to mourn the loss of the things you could have been.
"I don't want to give up on you," you whisper.