You are Chad Mason, a man from Texas. Out of curiosity you take an ancestry test and discover that you're 0.3% Irish. You suddenly get a craving forwhiskey. This has never happened to you before.You try it in a whiskey sour and fall in love with the taste. It's not that you don't like drinking whiskey—you do—it's just that it's kind of boring compared to scotch or bourbon.
You invite your friends over for a whiskey tasting event.While the three of you talk about various whiskeys, you find yourself talking more than anyone else and end up drunk by the end of it. While at work, your boss approaches you. He seems unusually nervous, so you ask him what's up.
Your boss reprimands you and ask, "Why do you smell like whiskey? And can I have some?"You have no idea how he knew; you haven't even been drinking in your office. The next day, while trying to clear your head at lunch, you decide to stop by your local bar.
You run into an old coworker sitting alone at the bar."Hey, Jack," you say. "You're looking pretty rough." "Thanks, Chad," he says, glancing at his watch. "I'm going home early today because I've got a lot on my mind.
You lean in for a kiss with Jack.He leans back and slaps you hard across the face. "Ow!" you say. "What the hell, Jack?" He smiles and replies, "Your boss asked me out last night and I turned him down.
You stumble back to the office and complain about Jack to your boss."Don't let him get away with that kind of crap, Chad. Let's go for a drink after work." You meet Jack at your favorite bar and drink your worries away. "So what was your boss so freaked about last night?"
You tell Jack, "You."You take a swig from your whiskey. "I invited him out for a drink and he hit me for it." "He didn't actually hit you," Jack replies. "I told him to."
You know what happened last time, but your try again and lean in for a kiss with Jack.This time, he pulls away and tells you, "No thanks. You stink of whiskey." You sit alone at the bar, nursing your drink, and feel very lonely.
You start crying and the bartender asks you, "What's wrong?""Jack slapped me last night," you sniffle. "He said I smell like whiskey and that I'm an asshole." The bartender nods. "Sounds about right." He gives you a hug, and you sob into his shoulder.
You continue sobbing like a baby and shout, "I AM an asshole!""I know," says the bartender. "It's okay to be an asshole sometimes, but don't take it too far, alright?"
You lean in for a kiss with the bartender.His mouth tastes of whiskey. You find yourself drinking more than usual and having a good time. You and Jack become lovers after this incident. One day, Jack tells you, "Hey, Chad.
You level up and gain the following lover skills:Whiskey Sour and Whiskey Kiss. Jack kisses you deeply and you taste the whiskey on his lips. You feel a new kind of passion with Jack. Jack leans in to kiss you again, but you stop him.
You level up your love with Jackand gain the following lover skills: Whiskey Kiss and Whiskey Sour. Your whiskey kisses leave Jack dizzy and confused. "I think we should slow down a bit," you whisper to him.
You see the bartender is starring you and you scream, "Jealous?!"Jack shouts back at you, "You're the one who asked me out!" You and Jack drink whiskey and make love, but it's not the same as when you first started dating. After several weeks, you break up with Jack because you realize he's just too boring.
You look in the mirror and kiss yourself.You've never tasted so much whiskey before. You don't know if this is something that people normally do, but you don't mind it. You think about how long you've been single and decide to give online dating a shot.
You create an Tinder profile and have the bio say:"Looking for someone who's also looking for some whiskey." You get matched with a handsome man named Ed. Ed asks, "Do you like whiskey? I can get you a sample."
You realize Ed is your soulmate and you propose.You and Ed become lovers. One evening while hanging out at your apartment, you tell Ed about Jack slapping you and getting you drunk. You ask him what he thinks you should do, and he tells you that you should break up with Jack because he doesn't deserve you.
You call Jack on the phone."Chad?" He sounds surprised to hear from you. "I'm sorry," you say. "But I'm leaving you. I need you to come and get my stuff." The next day, Ed asks you if you'd like to go to the bar, but you refuse becauseyou want to stay home. Ed says, "You're acting strange again. What's wrong? Do you still love Jack?" You lean in and kiss Ed deeply. You've never kissed anyone this much before.
You tell Ed with tears in your eyes, "I love you both..."You two drink until you can barely stand. You feel more relaxed and open than ever. You make love with Ed, and you realize he smells of whiskey. You don't care. You like it.
You go to Jack's apartment to get your stuff and see him for the last time. You tell Jack, "I never even learned your last name. He tells you, "It's Daniels."You say, "Alright, Chad," and lean in for a kiss.It's not the same as when you started dating, but it feels alright. He kisses you and you taste the whiskey on his lips. You're glad you've found someone else who will let you be an asshole.
EP 502 – Story #3 – Chad Mason – You are Chad Mason, a man from Texas.
Posted under Episode 502, Story On By Chief