EP 501 – Story #2 – You are the Hunchback of Notre Dame University.

Posted under Episode 501, Story On By Chief

You are the Hunchback of Notre Dame University. Every day, you are bullied relentlessly for your appearance. Your guidance counselor suggests that you try out for the football team as a way to gain confidence.
One morning, you wake up and look in the mirror. You see yourself and feel disgusted by how you look. The next day, you go into school feeling low about yourself, but before long, you notice that all of your classmates have suddenly changed their attitudes towards you.

Perry the Plague Platypus, the university mascot, tell you, "

I think everyone is starting to like you now."
You then notice that one of your classmates, Ethel, has given you an expensive gift. You say to her, "Why would you do something like this?
 I don't deserve anything nice." She replies, "What you deserve isn't important anymore. Now it's about what I want for you. It's time to stop being a victim and be strong."

You say to Ethel, "I wish that I was handsome like my football teammates, Jason, Tony and Cory."

Ethel looks at you, surprised, and says, "There is no reason you need to change how you look. You are the same person you always were."
You respond, "But I'm ugly!

You notice Perry is doing a dance and singing a song about how great you are:

You're handsome, you're beautiful.
You're strong, you're tall.
You can do anything you want.
No one's ever done what you did.
You'll go down in history,
you're the greatest guy!

You are filled with inspiration and determination and at Football practice you have your best performance ever. The coach decides to start you for the big game Saturday against your rival team:

 The Fighting Cockadillos. You go to bed Friday night confident about beating them.
On the morning of the big game, you wake up excited. You look in the mirror and say, "I am not ugly!

You go to the game and notice everyone in the stands is wearing a t-shirt with your face on it and an inspirational message on the back that says:

We support the Hunchback of Notre Dame and his quest for self-improvement.
Go Hunchback!
When you score a touchdown, the crowd erupts. The opposing team's head coach notices what has happened and orders his team to attack you.

You notice the Cockadillos are playing dirty and doing a lot of cheap tricks to try and take you out of the game.

 As the game continues, you notice that Ethel is standing on the sidelines cheering for you. You look up and say, "Thank you!"
Ethel replies, "No thanks necessary. I'm here for you."

You are distracted by Ethel's kindness when a rival player tackles you blindside. You are hurt bad, you

 have broken your leg and are unable to run the ball. You see yourself laying on the field and feel so defeated.
You then hear someone shouting from the stands:

You look up to see that it is

 your biggest fan, Ethel. She holds up her phone and takes a picture of you. You smile through the pain and think to yourself, "This is the moment I've been waiting for my entire life.

Despite a broken leg with your bone sticking out of your skin, you hop for a touchdown doing flips and jumps like no one in the game of football has ever seen before!

After the game, you take your wife to Paris and buy her a beautiful diamond ring. Your new girlfriend is delighted with you and asks you if there is anything she can do to help you. You say, "Yes.


You roll up your pant leg to show her a terrible infection from your untreated broken leg.

 Ethel takes out some makeup and starts applying it to your wound. As you feel your skin begin to heal, you thank her and kiss her passionately.

Your wound is covered up, but it is still there and hurting badly. The adrenaline wears off and you scream in pain. You shake from chills running over your body as the infection reaches critical mass and consumes your leg.

You die, knowing you are truly beautiful inside.

You wake up in a hospital bed.

 It turns out that you were very close to dying, and Ethel was the only person who could save your life.
The doctors say, "Your leg may not heal, but we have done everything we can.

You look down to see your leg has been amputated and replaced with an unusual item:

 A pair of shoes made of wood.
You say to the doctor, "Where did this come from?" He replies, "It came from a magical forest where everyone is as tall as trees and able to grow their own shoes.

The magical shoes give you the ability to

 run like never before.
You're ready to take on the world!
The doctor then gives you a job at a local lumber mill so that you can use your skills to help others.

Your girlfriend Ethel says, "I'm really glad you're doing better now.

You are popular at the lumber mill and quickly gain the nickname of

 'Bigfoot' because of how big and strong you are.
You decide to move to a new city for a fresh start, and soon find yourself living on the outskirts of town.
You get a job at a restaurant and make many friends including a waitress named Stephanie who works there.

You return home and tell Ethel, "I'm sorry Ethel, but I do not love you anymore. We are breaking up."

Ethel gets angry and screams, "That's not true!
You have my heart!"
You reply, "This is the final straw. You've betrayed me twice before! Once by being with another man, and second time by being with another woman.

You try and run away with Stephanie, but Stephanie tells you the most hateful rude thing you have ever heard in your entire life:

You are ugly and should die alone.  Stephanie then takes a knife out and stabs you repeatedly.
As she is stabbing you, you tell her, "This is the last time I will hear you talk to me that way, and if
 you do it one more time I swear I'll kill you."
You look down and see blood all over your pants and realize you're about to die. Then you think:
"Ethel, I forgive you."

Your magical shoes activate and give you one last burst of immense strength that you use to get revenge on Stephanie

. You break her neck and run into the woods with Ethel by your side.
You feel happy for the first time in your entire life.
You two fall in love and live happily ever after.

The moral of the story:

Don't listen to anyone who says you're ugly. You're beautiful and deserve a beautiful girlfriend.
You just need to be patient and wait until you find the right one.
You decide to go visit your cousin Jenny who lives in a remote mountain cabin.