EP 501 – Story #1 – You are Zapak from planet Heurheur.

Posted under Episode 501, Story On By Chief

You are Zapak from planet Heurheur. An Alien with 4 arms 4 eyes and 4 butts. you traveled 138 light years to earth and stole a can of beans from an Earthling's campsite. you take a bite of the strange food and feel a rumbling gas burbling in your 4 butts
. You try and vomit on the man you just ate, but instead it shoots out of your 4 asses and you explode all over him.

The man you vomit on is

 an astronaut named Bob who was on 


 way to Mars when 


 went into a wormhole.

Bob is very confused and sheepishly asks, "Is that how you 4 butted aliens say hello? I'm new here..."

Bob feels a little sick so he heads back to the ship where he vomits everywhere.
Butt Bumz are a powerful acid that kills worms and will soon be used to fight the giant monster that lives under the earth.

You reveal your troubled past to Bob.

 You explain that you are not human and have been on Earth for 9 months stealing food from humans.
Bob becomes concerned and starts to ask you more questions like, "Are you hungry?" and "Do you have any needs?".

You tell bob your top 3 needs:

1) More food to eat
2) A place to stay for the night (bob's house)
3) To know the purpose of why you are really here and what it all means...

Bob agrees and you tell Bob all about your alien ways. Bob begins to think you are taking advantage of him, so you

 say, "Don't worry, I'll pay you $10,000 dollars."
Bob says, "What?"
"I don't have much money, but I'll give you ten thousand dollars to let me stay the night at your house and take care of my needs.

You level up and gain the following 4 butted alien powers:

- Butt Bumz: You have the power to make gas come out of your butts and destroy anything in your way
- Double Butt Bumz: You have two butts and can fart twice as much.

You tell Bob that now that you finally are able to use Butt Bumz, you can head down in the worm mines and save your family. Bob agrees to help you.

  He also has the ability to summon his spaceship using his psychic powers, so you summon his ship with the butt power of Butt Bumz.
Bob then tells you he loves you and asks if you are going to marry him.

You say yes and have a courthouse wedding before your trip to the worm mines.

The ceremony is short and sweet and ends with an amazing butt burp that everyone applauds.
You and Bob go down into the earth and are confronted by giant worms and you defeat them both.

You find your family safe and sound and introduce them to Bob.

 They all seem very happy to meet him and welcome him into the family.
You return home from your successful mission to fight worms and share the wealth with Bob. He tells you he can't afford to pay you back, so he offers to make you a special deal.
  He says he will take care of you forever in exchange for one thing, and that is:
- Bob's Booty Pie recipe!
Bob explains that every night after he masturbates he takes his cum and makes pie.

You have yourself a slice of Bob's Booty Pie! 😉

You level up again and gain the following 4 butt power:
- Butt Jammer
- Butt Gas
- Butt Boogie
- Butt Jammer: You are able to create and throw Butt Jams that can destroy anything in your way.

You use your new butt powers to create an defensive area and drive all the remaining worms out of town. You are made honorary mayor and given a medal for you bravery.

Your family and friends come to congratulate you. They tell you they will always love you and thank you for saving their lives.
Butt Bumz has been used to help humans with many different needs like:
- Fighting fires
- Flying to space
- Finding hidden treasure
 Repairing broken computers
- Detecting alien invaders
- Using it to break the sound barrier
- Fighting cancer
- Making people lose weight
- Creating the best banana bread in the world
- Turning gas into gold
- Making your car run better
- Fighting fires again
- Protect

The worms for a resistance and decide to fight back on Butt Day, a national holiday.

They start an internet petition to make Butt Day a National Holiday.
You and Bob try to explain to the president that Butt Day is not a good idea because if he makes it a national holiday then all the worms will stop eating the earth and there won't be any food left!

The president falls for your reverse psychology trap and makes Butt Day a national holiday by executive order!

You and Bob celebrate the holiday at the White House where the president gives you the Medal of Honor for your bravery.
Everyone loves Butt Day now and they go around singing songs about butts, having butthons (butt sex), eating butt burgers, and taking a shit.

You write a song that becomes the official Butt Day anthem:

"I'll never ever leave you alone, no matter what I'm sure it's true"
All of the worms celebrate Butt Day and have fun in their own way. Some worm masturbate with other worm and some even fuck a chicken while others just burp a lot.

You notice a laundry machine that's full of Cory from AIPD's dry cleaning.

 You put in the dvds, which play one continuous movie without stopping, and you watch the whole thing.
It is called Butt Bumz: The Movie. It has action, humor, and romance.

The moral of the story:

- Love makes the world go round!
Bob calls you up and says "Hey, wanna hang out?"
You agree to hang out. You invite him to your house where he will meet your mom.