EP 500 – Story #3 – You are Craig, a man having a mid-life crisis.

Posted under Episode 500, Story On By Chief

You are Craig, a man having a mid-life crisis. You've decided that your lifes true purpose is to be a
 rock god. This may not make any sense in real life, but you have faith. You're currently looking for a band to join. A rock band with a steady gig at the local pub is perfect.

> You answer an ad on Facebook for a band looking for a singer.

A new group called 'The Band' has posted an ad for a lead guitarist. They want someone who can play fast solos and sing too. Seems like a good fit. You write back immediately and say you're interested.

> You accept an invitation to join Nickelback in the local ads section in the local newspaper.

Nickelback are a very popular rock band. In fact they're one of the biggest bands around today. It's just too bad their sound is so derivative, and that lead singer Chad Kroeger seems to hate his own fans.

Dom Ferrous, lead singer of a punk band, mocks you relentlessly on social media.

 He makes fun of your terrible style choices: a skinny tie and a black turtleneck. And your awful taste in music: he thinks your playing in this fake Nickelback cover band is the funniest thing he's ever seen.

You play a guitar solo that melts Dom's face

. You win.
You have no idea who Dom Ferrous is or why he's so obsessed with you. But then, Dom doesn't seem to know much about the world outside of punk rock.

You are filled with artistic inspiration and write a new song called "Everybody Loves That German D."

 A song that will change the way people think about Dom. And the world.
Dom posts a scathing review of the song on Facebook. He tells everyone how much you suck. You don't care what he says anymore.

You rehearse with Nickelback for the first time. Dom gives you a ride to the rehearsal.

 He seems strangely excited about the idea of Nickelback playing together.
The guys are all excited to rehearse, and they ask you some questions. They want to know how you learned to play the guitar and sing at the same time.

You write a new song that educates the masses on how to become a rock god, and it goes like this:

 Nobody cares what you want
 It's not about the music
 Just let go
 Everybody loves that German D
 Everybody loves that German D
 Everybody loves that German D
 Everybody loves that German D
 Everybody loves

Your song becomes a huge hit in Germany

. And soon everyone else is singing along too. You receive dozens of emails from fans of your German language version. Some even offer to translate the lyrics into other languages.
A reporter in New York City asks to interview you.

You accept the interview, not realizing that the News paper reporter is working for a tabloid looking to do a hit piece on you.

 The reporter calls Dom Ferrous, the leader of the German punk band, for his opinion. He talks about how you suck as a guitarist and a singer and that he wishes he could go back to a time when bands had real talent and were worth listening to.

You read the article and it sends you into a rage! You unleash a rockpocalypse upon Germany.

Dom Ferrous comes to visit you in jail. He tells the guard he's visiting an old friend and walks right by the reporters outside your cell door. He sits down with you in the visitor's booth, and for the first time ever you really look at Dom.

You realize Dom is not human. He is made of actual rocks.

Dom has brought along a bag full of his own personal collection of rock memorabilia. He places them on top of the prison wall.
Dom then explains to you how you can make your music more interesting: by turning the lead singer of the band into a pile of rocks.

You agree and work with Dom and a rock wizard who is also in jail.

 Together they fashion you a new body and guitar out of some rocks from a nearby quarry. You play a concert on your home turf. You put on a spectacular show, and people are stunned. This is a new kind of rock and roll, and it's about to blow up big time.

You try to change Chad Kroeger into rocks, but he throws hundreds of newspapers on you until you are crushed. Paper beats rock.

Dom tells everyone that you're a fake, and he challenges you to a duel to prove it.
The two of you step into the arena. You look Dom in the eye and say, "You wanna fight?"

You defeat Dom in a rock battle with a single chorus: