You are Mr. Kibble, you just boiled an egg. When you crack it open, a little Homunculus jumps out and bites your fingeroff. You scream in horror as you try to yank the severed finger back into the egg, but it's too late: the Homunculus eats your entire hand! The doctor is called to come and examine the now very sick man.
The doctor informs you the Homunculus has given your hand five stars on Yelp, and now everyone wants to eat your other hand. The doctor says the only way you can survive is if you cut off your other hand before it gives five stars to the Homunculus inside. Mr. Kibble is then put under anesthesia and his hands are removed without any pain medication.
You awake in a hospital bed and
Fusilli Jerry is standing over you.Fusilli Jerry is covered with boils, and he is very angry! "Why have you taken my hands?! You'll be sorry!" He's screaming like an ambulance siren. He pulls out a knife and starts cutting at your feet.
You stab Fusilli Jerry with fork and twirl him.Then you push him off the bed, He lands headfirst onto the floor. He looks up, shocked by the sudden movement. You pull out the scalpel from the plastic bag. You carve up his boils with a vengeance!
While Jerry screams in pain you run to a different room and hide under 500 piles of Cory from AIPD's clothes.Jerry eventually stops screaming. He then crawls over to you, but finds that there is nothing for him to cut. Jerry begins to cry and yells at you, "You fucking bastard!
You shove Jerry into a giant to-go box from Olive Garden.He struggles violently as the lid claps shut. Jerry is then transported to an incinerator where he will burn up for all eternity. You then walk back to your apartment. You look inside and find your dog sitting on your couch staring at you.
You accuse your dog of masterminding the Homunculus attack.Your dog says, "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about that." The dog then begins to explain to you how he was hired to carry out the plan. He had wanted to make sure that the doctor's hand stayed away from your hands so that the Homunculus wouldhave no one to talk to. You give your dog a hug. You begin to wonder: How did Fusilli Jerry know how many stars were on Yelp? It doesn't matter because the plot is now over.
You ask your dog, "Who is the mastermind?! Who hired you!?"Your dog points to a picture hanging on your wall, "That's the mastermind." You pull off the picture. Behind it is another photo. It is of an attractive blonde woman with red hair.
"Grandma?" you exclaim."Yup," says your dog. "Wait, but how do you know my grandmother?" Your dog shrugs his shoulders. He then says, "She's the only one who gives me 5 stars on Yelp."
You visit your Grandma in the retirement home Homunculus Gardens.She says, "I am the mastermind." You begin to believe her. "How could I doubt my own grandmother?" you ask. "Well, I really can't help you," she says.
You notice your Grandma is surrounded by little homunculii."Why are you keeping these Homunculi here?" She says, "To keep me company!" You leave your Grandma and head back home. When you arrive, you find your dog has moved in to live with you.
You ask the dog why he chose Grandma over you."Grandma gave me 5 stars on Yelp!" The plot is now over. Congratulations! You're living the good life in a nice apartment in the center of town. You've got a steady job as the manager of a local video store, where you get to play games for free
EP 500 – Story #1 – You are Mr. Kibble, you just boiled an egg
Posted under Episode 500, Story On By Chief