EP 498 – Story #1 – You are Dwayne Johnson, a wrestler who has become a cook.

Posted under Episode 498, Story On By Chief

You are Dwayne Johnson, a wrestler who has become a cook. While in a crowded kitchen, you ask, "Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?"
 You then punch a man in the face.

***
One morning while at your job as a chef, you see that the menu items are missing. When you ask the owner about it, he tells you, "I gave them away to homeless people."

You begin to wrestle the homeless to get your groceries back so you can run dinner service fully stocked.

***
As you prepare food for lunch, a woman comes into the restaurant and starts shouting things like, "Hey! Whoa, whoa!" She then says, "That looks delicious!" You try to ignore her.

Your cooking is interrupted when Freddy Fingerless, legendary bum, storms into the restaurant and challenges you to a fight. You accept and head out back by the dumpsters.

When you arrive, Freddy is standing over a man with a bloody knife in his chest. He then says, "You know what this means don't cha? The blood feud is on again!"

Freddy then attacks you with a shovel.

You yell, "I'm going to start cooking rocks. I'm sure people will eat rocks if they're served by me."

Freddy laughs at this and then hits you with a frying pan.
After some more wrestling, Freddy gets his hands on a meat cleaver and starts chopping off body parts of your crew.
You shout, "I can't let Freddy take the restaurant!

You crack open a PBR and this summons The Bushwackers to your aid!

The Bushwackers are a group of thugs that fight Freddy on your behalf.
They chop up Freddy and leave him naked with his bloody bits scattered on the floor.
Freddy then goes away forever.

You treat The Bushwackers to their favorite meal:

 deep fried Twinkies.
This leads to more fights with Freddy but now the restaurant has an actual fighting ring.
It turns out, The Bushwackers have been training for years under the tutelage of "The Most Interesting Man In The World" (played by Juan Sanchez).

Your restaurant explodes in popularity! Food and entertainment is an extremely profitable combination. To honor your new success, you revamp the menu with the following new entrees:

The Rock N' Roll Chili Bowl, a combination of chili and rock n roll music.
The Rockin' Ramen Bowl, a combination of ramen noodles and rocking music.
The Rock N' Roll Taco, a combination of tacos and rocking music.

Your food is not a huge success, and business begins to wane. You have an idea: create the ultimate wrestling bout feature yourself versus your arch nemesis:

Rock 'n Roll Freddy!
You fight Freddy and beat him every time.
A popular wrestling commentator named "Macho Man" Randy Savage (played by John T. Gonzalez) decides he wants a piece of the action and challenges you to one on one combat.

You accept, high off your string of victories, but Macho Man defeats you!

He then asks you if you want to wrestle for the "crowning achievement" of your career: the WWF World Title.
You agree.
During the match, Macho Man pulls a gun on you and then forces you to marry him!

You panic and agree!

  It is not until later that you realize that you've been duped and that Macho Man is actually a woman: Stephanie McMahon!
After getting married, Stephanie convinces you to give up your dream of becoming a cook and work for her as an agent of The Authority.

On the next episode of "Rock's Rock N' Royal Rumble":

You win the title from "Macho Man" Randy Savage.
You go into a back room with Stephanie McMahon and then have sex.  Afterwards, you decide to let Macho Man keep the title.