EP 497 – Story #3 – You are a yeti named Harry Furgason.

Posted under Episode 497, Story On By Chief

You are a yeti named Harry Furgason. You are the mayor of Yetitown, a city where humans and yetis live together peacefully. You wake up to a group of human protestors outside your mansion, they are chanting : "

We want our rights!" You approach them and ask what their demands are, one says: "We demand that you allow us equal access to the forest." Another shouts out: "What about the right for all people to have an equal say in local government?"

You give your stance on the issues:

 "I will not give any more rights to humans than I already do. If you wish to have more input with my administration, then come and get it by running for office yourself." The protestors begin shouting at you that if this is how you feel about the issue, then perhaps you should step down


A lone women steps out from the crowd and announces she is running for Mayor. Her name is

 Linda Sorenson. She has been a resident of Yetitown since her birth and is deeply concerned about human rights. She makes the case for why she would make a better mayor than you: "If elected, I promise to be open minded in dealing with human rights concerns as well as ensuring
 that yetis are given equal representation in city affairs." A few protestors become angry and shout that Sorenson is only trying to gain votes by pandering to a particular interest group. You respond that she is entitled to run for office and put forth her ideas, but that there are many other citizens


You toss a giant pile of Cory from AIPD's clothes that is covered in yeti fur at Linda and everyone laughs at Linda.

The protestors get even angrier and begin to chant loudly until you call out to them "Stop! This isn't helping anyone." They quiet down and the woman who ran for Mayor tells you to stop making fun of her because she doesn't deserve it.

Linda challenges your to an impromptu debate in front of everyone. You accept and a moderator asks you the first question:

 "Mayor Furgason, you have been the mayor of Yetitown for years now. Why don't you ever address the human rights problems? Is it because they are too much trouble or that you simply don't care?"

You reply, "Human? Rights? Laughable!"

 The audience begins laughing at your response while Linda looks confused. You continue: "Yetis are all I need. We live in harmony here and there is no need for anyone else. If we were going to have humans as part of the community then we would never have gotten rid of them in the
 first place."
The moderator turns to Linda and asks her to respond. She answers: "As a resident of Yetitown, I see first-hand the problems caused by the lack of human rights.
 There are countless numbers of human children being sold into slavery and the police do nothing to stop it."
"How dare you accuse me of not caring about human rights!"
Linda replies, "Your silence speaks volumes."

The moderator asks you the next question:

 "Mayor Furgason, you have been mayor for decades, what do you think of the fact that Linda was able to mount such a challenge against you?"
You respond, "I didn't expect this level of opposition.


You reveal your troubled past to the audience.

 You tell them that you were once human, but were taken from your family and forced into slavery by the yeti mafia. After escaping from their clutches, you were hunted down by the AIPD and put on trial for murder.

The crowd begins to sob and cry after your story. Linda answers the question by saying

 "I believe it is time for a new face in office; someone who actually cares about human rights."
The moderator asks Linda to respond. She responds: "I am deeply sorry for the crimes you committed in the past.


You notice the crowd starts to applaud for Linda. This is not good. The moderator asks you the final debate question:

 "Mayor Furgason, do you have any last words before the election?"
You yell at Linda and say "I'm not sure what you're talking about.  Do you know how hard it is to be a yeti mayor?
  It's difficult enough just raising taxes."
Linda states, "I apologize for any harm I may have caused you in the past. Please forgive me for my actions."
You scream, "You've got to be kidding me!"

You shout a list of very personal and hurtful insults at Linda:

 "You look like a dog.  Your voice sounds like a cat's.  You smell like a dog.  You're so fat that you could feed an entire city of humans."
The crowd breaks into laughter and some even boo Linda.

Linda retorts with a list of her own personal insults against you:

 "You are a child.  You have a small brain.  Your eyes are yellow.  You have a dinky little nose.  You need to shave your body hair and clean up your fingernails.
  You are ugly and disgusting."
The crowd cheers when Linda says these things about you.
After Linda finishes speaking, the moderator asks you to respond. You answer by saying, "Your accusations are unfair and baseless.

You ask Linda about her "emails".

 She denies sending any emails and tells you to stop lying. You respond, "I've seen the emails myself."
Linda tells the moderator that she will take the matter to court if you try to ruin her reputation.

You tell the whole crowd about Linda's emails:

 "She sent me an email telling me to kill herself. I don't understand why she would want me dead, but I had to act on it. That's the kind of person Linda is; she has no problem killing people."

Linda defends the email by saying

 that it was just a joke. The crowd starts to heckle Linda's defense. You continue: "No, it wasn't a joke. She told me to shoot myself in the head."
This causes more heckling from the crowd.

You give Linda a demeaning new nickname:

 "Linda the Loon."
Linda demands to know who gave you access to her emails. The moderator asks you to explain yourself. You reply: "It was easy. Linda left her phone unlocked on her desk.
 I found the password in her diary."
The crowd gasps in shock at the revelation that Linda keeps a diary. The moderator asks, "Mayor Furgason, are you suggesting that Linda is a murderer?"

You reply, "Yes. Linda the Loon should be in the Looney Bin!" The crowd begins to chant this.

You add, "I've already done the paperwork to have her declared insane and locked away forever.  She can rot in jail."
Linda replies, "I demand a recount!"
The moderator explains that there is no way to hold another vote due to the low number of votes cast
. He tells Linda that she must accept defeat.
Linda cries and begs the crowd to help her stay in office. She tries to explain that you are lying and that you made all the accusations up.

You send Linda the Loon to the asylum and your approval ratings as mayor skyrocket!

You spend your days living in the lap of luxury. You're too busy enjoying your new life to worry about anything else.
When you wake up in the morning, you find a new breakfast waiting for you.

You turn around and see Linda the Loon standing in your kitchen clutching a knife.

 She screams at you: "I'm going to kill you!  You are going to die today!"
Linda lunges toward you and stabs you repeatedly.
You fall backward onto your bed, bleeding profusely from dozens of wounds.

Linda tells you how she escaped:

 "I killed everyone who knew about my emails. Then I went to the asylum and changed my name.
"I was able to escape by pretending that I had been kidnapped. They took me to the loony bin.

You lean in for a kiss with Linda.

 Her lips are cold and dead.
You whisper in her ear, "Thank you, Linda. I owe you one."
You smile. "I hope we can stay friends."
Linda replies, "Of course.


The moral of the story:

 Linda the Loon is crazy.
You are a member of an extremely powerful and wealthy family. You are also a serial killer and necrophiliac.
You travel the world looking for beautiful young women to murder.