EP 496 – Story #1 – You are Cheddar Bob, a hillbilly beaver hunter.

Posted under Episode 496, Story On By Chief

You are Cheddar Bob, a hillbilly beaver hunter. One night you wake up to discover to your horror that you're out of bullets for your rifle.
 It's time for the annual shooting contest. The first person who gets a hole in the target wins all the money collected during the hunting season. To win, you need to fire as many shots as possible before time runs out.

You ask your wife, Mrs Cheddar Bob, for some bullets on the double.

 "You can't get enough ammo!" she replies.
"Yes, dear," you reply. You decide to head into town and purchase more ammunition.
In the gun store you buy yourself a box of shotgun shells.

You lean in for a kiss with the gun store clerk.

 "Thank you for the lovely earmuffs, ma'am." The man behind the counter blushes and tries to hide his embarrassment. "If I had known you were such an attractive lady," he says, "I would have said something sooner."

> You shout "Well gosh, I'm sure to win the contest today!"

"Yeah?" the gun shop owner says. "Then why are you buying a new box of shells for your shotgun? All it takes is one shot to win the contest."
You put the shotgun away.

You beg the gun store clerk to tell you of this fabled perfect one shot victory.

 "It's possible," the man says, but you have to know how to do it." He tells you the secrets of the most legendary shooter in the region: "The trick is to get so close to the target that when you fire you can't miss."

You return to the contest just in time for you to take your turn. You step past the safety barrier and put your shotgun at point blank range against the bullseye.

 "Shoot!" someone in the crowd shouts. "Shoot!"
You pull back the trigger and... nothing happens. "Oh shoot!" you say as you realize that your shotgun was loaded with rock salt.

You begin to cry.

 The judge in charge of the competition is about to announce the winner. "If we could have the winner of the contest please."
"Me!" you shout and throw open the door. You're out of bullets again!

Big Boot Bill, one of the judges, comes over to console you. Big Boot Bill tells you there is no chance this year, but maybe next year!

A year goes by without any word from you. On the day before the contest, you show up at the gun shop. "Hey there, stranger," the clerk says. "I thought I'd never see you again."

You reveal your troubled past to the the gun store clerk.

 "Last year," you say, "I came here to buy ammo. But on my way home the bullets fell out of my bag."
"But that's impossible!" the man exclaims. "I told you to bring a case, and you brought an empty one!"
"So I did," you reply. "That's when it happened."
You tell the story to the crowd outside. "I had nothing but rock salt in the gun, so instead of winning the contest I went home with only a new box of shells!"

> You yell "And this year I will go home with the first place trophy!"

"You'll never win now," the gun shop owner says, "you can't get enough ammo!"
"Yes, dear," you reply.
You head into town and purchase more ammunition.
You lean in for a kiss with the gun store clerk.

You level up your relationship with the gun store clerk.

You're sitting on a rock. The sun is shining and you're admiring the scenery. A deer walks over to you and says hello. "Hello," you say as you pet it. It is an antler buck, full grown but still a bit inexperienced.

You and the gun store clerk at speechless. You can't believe at the spiritual, possibly extraterrestrial experience you are witnessing with this talking deer.

The buck explains what it was trying to get across last time. "I said 'maybe' because I'm not sure that I can help you," he says. "It's the one thing I've been asked to do that I cannot fulfill."

> You ask "What is the thing my dear deer?"

"I've been given the gift to grant wishes," the buck replies, "but I can only grant three in my life."
You look deep into the buck's eyes. "One wish per deer?

You eagerly yell out, "I wish that I get first place at the shooting contest this year!"

"That would be a blessing for me, too," the buck says, and then the two of you gaze off into the distance together.
You can hear someone cheering outside, but you don't bother to go check it out.

The cheering swells in the crowd. It is your turn to shoot. You take a deep breath, raise your gun and

... miss the bullseye! You walk into the tent and come face to face with the other contestants. There is a sigh of relief as everyone else has already failed once or twice before.
Big Boot Bill is in charge of the competition and announces the results.

You walk off distraught and notice the talking deer in the forest. As you approach, the deer tells you one last thing:

 "I've told you about your wish, but I must also tell you the price of it."
"What?" you ask.
"I can't grant any more wishes in my life, because once I've done so the balance will tip and the world will come to an end.

With tears in yours eyes, you raise up your gun and pull the trigger.

  This time nothing happens. Big Boot Bill comes over and reassures you that there is still a chance for you to win this contest. The next round of shooting begins.
You walk into town to purchase some ammunition.