EP 495 – Story #3 – You are Guchuluk Anus Worm, an ass worm.

You are Guchuluk Anus Worm, an ass worm. Literally. How creative. You enjoy chewing butt-hair and munching dick-cheese in your spare time.
Your favorite food is human feces. It tastes so good! Sometimes you even lick it off the floor after a dog has passed through here. Your favorite beverage is urine. It's refreshing and delicious.
You check the clock and realize you are late for work at the
 soup kitchen again. Damn.
The door opens to reveal a hallway leading west. The wall on the north side of the hallway is painted with a mural depicting a dark elf preparing to cast magic.
From the murals and paintings, you can tell that this must be a wizard's tower.
You pickup a broken sink.
 You notice there is something written on its back: "It's all fun and games until someone gets their head bitten off."
You read more from your book. This one says: "A well-placed kick in the balls is all it takes to put a goblin down."
You hop on the soup kitchen line and serve Jason, a customer that demands that you put butter in his soup.
 He makes another request for more salt which he rubs into his noodles.
After serving him, you make your way to the front counter and give the cook your usual order: a bowl of white bean soup with no onions and lots of butter.
Jason returns with another complaint about his free soup and you lose you temper and scream at him:
 "Is that what I just heard? Oh yeah, my food sucks now because you're too cheap to pay for it!"
Jason screams back: "I'm not paying for this shit!" and storms out of the soup kitchen.
Your manager tells you to come into his office.
He explains to you that Jason has been complaining about everything lately. Apparently he thinks that the soup kitchen should be giving away free food instead of charging for it.
"Yeah, yeah," you say, rolling your eyes.
The manager tells you that homeless people should not have to pay you in poo poo, they should just get the soup for free.
You agree but warn him that if Jason comes back with a lawyer, you will have to call the police.
Inside the office, you find a folder containing all kinds of legal documents. There is a lawsuit against the soup kitchen and you.
You quit the soup kitchen and go on the lamb from the law.  You hide away in the woods until one day you receive a visit from
 an old friend.
Gwen steps out from behind an oak tree and says: "Hey worm, how've you been?"
"Oh, I've been great. But aren't you supposed to be dead or something?"
You ask Gwen for a new job and she tells you she has the perfect position for you:
 working as a researcher for the local university.
She hands you a small package. A letter inside reads:
"You see, this little gem right here contains your application to this institution. But before you fill it out, let me explain something about the job.
"It's a weird job. I mean, you'll be working for a bunch of crazy wizards, for God's sake. And you won't even be getting paid. They don't care about money -- only power.
You ask Gwen, "Why would I work there if I don't get paid?"  And Gwen smiles and says they will give you unlimited shit and piss!
You open the letter carefully, read it over and sign your name on the dotted line.
Gwen thanks you for your interest in their research program and tells you that the first step is to submit your application.


	
Related