EP 493 – Story #2 – “Ding Dong!” You open the door to stand face to face with WWE Wrestler John Cena.

Posted under Episode 493, Story On By Chief

"Ding Dong!" You open the door to stand face to face with WWE Wrestler John Cena. He does not look too happy, and you have no clue what happened. He starts yelling and blames you for losing his title.
The man's a real jerk! He pushes your head into the wall then shoves you through the doorway.
You run down the hallway to try to get away from him.
He follows after you, trying to hit you as he comes.

You threaten to eat a can of spinach.

 This really gets him riled up. The next thing you know he is beating on you with his huge fists.
John Cena gets in close and tries to land some blows on your body.
His punches are painful, but they aren't enough to actually hurt you.

You figure out that John Cena is incapable of following through with a punch after his years of fake fighting in the WWE.

 He's just a guy who likes to say "you can't see me."
You grab one of John Cena's arms and pull it back hard. His wrist snaps like a twig.
John Cena goes flying through the air, landing on the ground far behind you.

A mailman hands you a letter stamped with the Chinese flag, it says:

"...the most powerful nation on Earth..."
You read the letter again. It seems to be telling you something important, but you don't understand it.
You give the letter to your butler and ask him to find someone who can translate it.

Then you remember John Cena is fluent in Chinese. You head to a bar where he is drinking whey protein powder and ask, "You aren't so tough, Cena. I heard that Jason from AIPD beat you on the WWE birthday episode! Also can you translate this?"

You give him the letter.
He reads it silently and says, "It means 'I'm sorry.'"
You reply, "Yeah, that makes sense. Now let's go back to your place and talk about how much you suck at wrestling."

You go to Dairy Queen and order two ice creams then eat both of them. John Cena looks sad and murmurs, "bing chiling..."

You feel bad for ruining his life, so you decide to help him get back on top of the wrestling world.
Your butler finds a Chinese translator, and together you discuss John Cena's career.

You decide you will help John Cena become the biggest name in China.

You are going to have to set up a meeting between John Cena and Chairman Mao.
You leave DQ and head to the airport to catch a flight to Beijing.
When you arrive there, you wait outside in the cold for an hour before anyone shows up.

Chairman Mao stands you up, but his cat, Chairman Meow, comes to pick you up.

You climb into a limo and begin to drive.
Mao takes over the wheel and drives at breakneck speed.
After a while, he starts talking to you, but it is all very confusing.

The only words you pick up are "Bing Chiling" and you suspect that John Cena has teamed up with Chairman Meow. You demand they tell you what "Bing Chilling" means! John Cena tells you bing chilling means

 to do something cool.
You start to think this isn't such a good idea after all.  Maybe Chairman Meow is secretly in league with John Cena?
Chairman Meow drives recklessly toward a bridge.

You all fly off the bridge and hope for miracle.

But you are saved by the most unlikely person: John Cena.
He grabs Chairman Meow's tail and swings him back onto the road.
You thank him profusely and drive back to America.