EP 485 – Story #3 – You are Tom Cleanerson, a guy who is planning on cleaning his garage.

Posted under Episode 485, Story On By Chief

You are Tom Cleanerson, a guy who is planning on cleaning his garage. When you open your garage, you see that there's a guy in there. The guy is a bald guy with a wig who is wearing your boxer shorts. He smiles at you.
"What the hell do you want?" You say to him angrily as he approaches you and tries to put on your shirt.
"I'm just getting ready for work," He says with a laugh.

You sheepishly ask "What do you do for work?"

The man responds by saying that he works for a company called 'Tiny Tim', an agency which employs people like himself to clean up dirty alleys around town. You try not to get angry because this was probably someone else's clothing.

You then realize this is actually your long lost brother named

 Thomas Cleanson. However, you're still mad at him so you start to yell at him:
"Listen here, I don't give a damn what kind of job you have! How dare you sneak into my house?


You give your bro a big bro hug.

 Your Brother looks surprised but accepts it and tells you that he came down from Canada to visit you after hearing about your new found success as an artist. You tell him that he can stay here tonight, however, you'll be having guests over tomorrow night.

You feel bad for telling your brother he has to leave tomorrow and offer him a beer.

 As you sit there talking with your bro, you hear loud noises coming from upstairs. A girl and a guy are running through your home yelling things like "Get out!" and "Fuck off!" At one point, you see them fighting each other with wooden swords.

Thomas tells you that he is also an artist of the theater and that these are his friends rehearsing for a new play about

 Robin Hood. They've been staying here since they arrived last week.
The two argue back and forth loudly and profanely for a bit before ending up making out.
You take a moment to observe how much your bro has changed.

You go out of your way to attend opening night of your brother's play. It is

 good! Very funny, you think to yourself.
In fact, everyone seems to enjoy it very much. It ends with you giving your bro a standing ovation.
Afterwards, Thomas and his friends all come over to thank you.

You decide to play a prank on Thomas and stab him with a prop knife like Hamlet. But you accidentally stab him with a real knife.

He falls on the floor bleeding and convulses for a bit until he finally stops breathing.
Your Mom comes out of her room and sees the mess. She takes him away to the hospital where he will hopefully live to tell the tale.

You visit your brother at the hospital and write him a get well speech:

Dear Thomas,
Sorry for killing your ass. Hope you recover quickly and move on with your life. If you ever need help cleaning, please let me know.
You read the letter aloud to Thomas but he doesn't seem to understand what it means.

You laugh until blood comes out of your nose.

Later that evening, you go downstairs and find your Dad sitting in front of the TV.
"Hey honey, look at this."
Your dad shows you a news report on channel 2:
"We interrupt our programming to bring you breaking news.
 In a shocking turn of events, popular local businessman and community leader, Tom Cleanerson, has been implicated in the death of his brother Thomas."
"According to police sources, Mr. Cleanerson admitted to stabbing his own brother during a dispute over ownership of some art.

You are saved with Jonathen Van Ness corrects your story and saves you from a life of infamy.

Van Ness, now a renowned painter, gives you a show at his gallery and publishes your paintings. You make millions from your newfound fame.
Soon, you become bored with painting and decides to pursue music instead.