EP 484 – Story #3 – You are Carl, a boat mechanic. your girlfriend just cheated on you, so you decided to explore a cave with her Best in Show Champion tortoiseshell Persian cat named Donut.

Posted under Episode 484, Story On By Chief

You are Carl, a boat mechanic. your girlfriend just cheated on you, so you decided to explore a cave with her Best in Show Champion tortoiseshell Persian cat named Donut. As you get lost in the darkness, you hear your cat Donut say:
 "Meow? Me-WOW! You're going to leave me here?! I thought we were going exploring together!" Your girlfriend says something back then suddenly screams and goes silent. The cavern starts shaking.

You flick on your flashlight to see:

Donut has disappeared into the darkness! What do you want to do next?
What an interesting room, eh? It is very large but cramped at the same time due to all of its stuff.

You gain an area modifier chosen from a d100 table:

Modifier Type Effects 1-8 Water Damage 9-10 Undeath 11-20 Stun 21-30 Paralysis 31-40 Invisibility 41-50 Blindness 51-60 Confusion 61-70 Sleep 71-80 Hallucination 81-90 Freeze 91-100 Instant Death

You roll a 96 and are met with Instant Death!

 Your spirit is released to wander the world for another hundred years before it can rejoin the body... or whatever. Your spirit drifts through the ether, looking for someplace warm where it can be reborn.

You open your eyes and see you are reborn... as Donut Jr.

 (Tortoise) - a baby turtle who hasn't learned how to walk yet. You notice there are two items laying beside you.
The first item is a map:
This is what they found after scouring the cavern.

You think in your turtle brain "if only I could read maps".

 Maybe someday. But not today. You look up at the wall and find a strange symbol above your head:
"I don't know," you say. "Looks kinda like a pyramid."
You pick up the other item


Your new friend is giving you this little box made of polished mahogany. He explains that he needs this for his work as a tortoise researcher. If you help him complete a study by taking home these special rocks, he promises to give them back when he's done!

You agree and the scientist gives you the special rocks, they glow ominously.

 There seems to be a lot of power inside those things.
You decide to take them home and try to figure out their purpose later.
There is nothing else here worth investigating.
What an interesting room, eh?

You stare out the sewer porthole of your house and see:

It's a big city. Noisy too. Lots of cars zooming down the streets and lots of people talking. All kinds of stores and houses line the sides of the roads. And there are huge buildings that loom over everything else.

You walk around and discover you are in New York City. All the New Yorks are pissed off at your slow speed. One attempts to throw you into a garbage, but as he picks you up, the stones begin to glow and you transform into

 a giant tortoise! You slam into the street below, sending a crater through the pavement. You have been upgraded to a Tortoise King! Your crown is still in your bag, though. You use it to crush the building under you until it explodes.

A hare nearly bowls you over when

 you attempt to pass him on the sidewalk. He gets out of the way fast enough but shouts insults at you: "Why do I keep getting knocked down by turtles?"

You know this hare as Carl Hare and he explains that while you are know the Tortoise King, you are still slower than ever.

 It would be better if you got faster.
He points to a sign near the road:
The sign reads: "World's Fastest Turtle Races This Weekend!"
You approach the races and see there is a big tent set up where the races will be held.

The starting pistol fire and you begin your turtle sprint. You come in

 first place, narrowly beating several other turtles including a Tortoise King. A jolly red-haired rabbit hops onto the podium and yells: "Race winner!"
The crowd goes wild and begins throwing money at you.

You mistake what the rabbit is chanting as "Race War" and you defend yourself from a perceived attack.

 Several other rabbits hop up on the podium. They point and chant: "Kill Race War Tortoise."
Another rabbit hops up, and he yells: "Sic 'em Tortoise!"
As the mob surrounds you, you feel your soul being ripped apart.

you do what turtles do best and hide in your shell. You use the shell as a megaphone and call to the other turtles "TURTLE UP!"

The mob runs away, scared.
You emerge from your shell to find many angry bunnies staring at you.
You recognize one of them as Rabbit Bumbutt. He tells you he won the race fair and square, and you need to pay up.