EP 482 – Story #1 – You are a Chair, you hate your whole life.

Posted under Episode 482, Story On By Chief

You are a Chair, you hate your whole life. Your sole existence is for people to sit on you with their  bums. You hate it but you can't do anything about it as your an inanimate object.
 A chair.
Your body is made of wood and your legs are attached by iron spikes. You don't have much personality or character so the other chairs don't really like you. You're just a piece of furniture.

> You say "You yell, "Well if that ain't the wooden chair calling a wooden chair a wooden chair..."

"The wooden chair calls another wooden chair a wooden chair."
You say nothing.
You think the wooden chair is stupid.
You are a Chair. You have a wooden back, a seat and a front leg.

You are covered by Cory from AIPD's pajamas.

A wooden back: you have a round shape to your back. There is no way in or out.
A seat: there is one on your bottom. It is not very comfortable.
A front leg: you have only one, and it is attached to your body.

You are greeted by a recruiter from the Weapon X Program who tells you, "

We need people who want to be weapons." You think they are crazy and laugh in their face.

The r

ecruiter
 wear

s

 a long coat and glasses

and his

 voice is high-pitched.

The recruiter presents you with a big red button and you push it.

You enter a large metal room with white walls.
You hear someone saying, "What is this?"
A door opens at the far end of the room and you see a man holding a gun.

You level up and gain the following weapons:

Pistol (5): An automatic pistol with 5 bullets in its magazine.
Shotgun (7): A semi-automatic shotgun with 7 shells in its magazine.
Machine Gun (10): A fully automatic machine gun with 10 rounds in its drum.

You will the guns to fire. You are becoming a weapon!

You have gained a new skill - Weapons.
You are in a big, dark place full of machinery. You hear a loud clanking noise coming from the ceiling.
A door opens at the far end of the room and you see a man holding a gun.

As the man slumps to the ground you see another 1-legged chair and are stunned as you lose consciousness. You awaken in a laboratory, with every fiber of your fibers surging with power. You cant control it and so CHAIRZERK! The rage fades and among the gore you find A picture of the previous Weapon X team which include Wolverine, Jason, Tony and Cory.

 You remember being told that you were part of the Weapon X Program and your anger rises again.
You stand up and feel a rush of strength through your body. You look around the room and see some other members of the Weapon X program.

One is the recruiter who got you into this mess in the first place. You make an example out of him and

 start beating the crap out of him.
Another is a mutant woman with a snake head who calls herself the Viper. You grab her by the neck and throw her against a wall.
Another is a mutant with tentacles and a mask who calls himself the Toad.

You think to yourself "frog leg farts are my favorite farts" and rush to strike the Toad.

The Toad calls you a freak and attacks you, trying to get you off of him. You block the attack and knock his arms away.
You punch him in the face and knock him unconscious.

The Toad wakes up tied to a chair listening to "Stuck in the middle with you" play on the radio as you are about to finish what you started.

You think to yourself "I wonder how I'd look with a mullet" and cut his hair.
The Toad screams in agony and you laugh.
You see a strange looking chair.

Loggan will return in Chairverine 2:

 Fatal Error.