EP 481 – Story #1 – You are Benjamin Brain, a college student who boasts about how smart he thinks he is.

Posted under Episode 481, Story On By Chief

You are Benjamin Brain, a college student who boasts about how smart he thinks he is. You take the big test. You assume that you're going to get the highest grade in the class. However, you end up getting zero percent. Your classmates laugh at you.
 You don't understand why they think you're such an idiot. It's not like you didn't study.
Your life was always going to be difficult. Your parents are divorced. They fight a lot.

> You see a poster advertising Jason's adoption clinic, an organization that finds legal guardians for people between the ages of thirty and sixty.

You have a new job! You work as a tutor for a young girl named Jennifer. She needs help with her math homework. It looks like it's going to be a fun job.
You have a new roommate!

You try to resist the urge to bring up that you failed your last math test, but can't resist. You go into excruciating detail about what your parents were fighting about while trying to study.

 You explain that your parents aren't very good at communicating. You also talk about how you felt like an outcast growing up, and how much you wish you could have had a normal childhood.

Jennifer starts to question your tutoring abilities.

 "How come I'm only doing eight problems per week?" she asks. "You're supposed to do twelve."
You tell her that there are no rules in math.
The following day, you receive a call from Jason.

It's Jennifer's mom who screams at you for her failing grade in math and after getting the test back her mother saw all the answer's were about your parents divorce.

 She doesn't want her daughter to associate with someone with such bad morals.
She also says that if you ever want to see your child again then you'll have to make sure you get perfect grades on the next test.

You use your genius skills in math to solve for your parent's divorce.

 You get the right answer! Your father is cheating on your mother.
You decide to go to their house and confront them about it.
You knock on their door, and are greeted by your father.

Your father is hanging with his new much younger girlfriend.

 He tells you to wait outside.
You go outside and ask your father how he could possibly cheat on your mother when she has been such an amazing mother to him?
He tells you that it's none of your business.

You take your dads drink and throw it in his face.

You start punching him, until your mother comes out and breaks up the fight.
You leave your dad and his girlfriend alone.
Your father goes home, but your mother still wants to know what happened.

You realize that fighting your father is futile as your mother has already moved on. There is nothing you can do about the divorce. You write a book called, "

How To Deal With A Broken Heart," which becomes a best seller.
You start dating a woman named Mary.
Your parents finally stop fighting.
You're happy to hear it.
You decide to take your parents out for dinner.

You reveal at dinner that you and Mary are getting Mary-ed.

Your mother gets mad and leaves.
Your father tries to comfort you.
You tell him that you should never have gotten married.
Your mother returns home and demands that you leave her alone.

Your Bloomin' onion arrives and you share it with your mother to try and mend fences.

Your mother thanks you.
Your father comes over to say hi to his wife.
He tells you that you're the best son he could have ever hoped for.
You thank him.
You go to your apartment.

You calculate how long it will take for your parents to stop fighting, but it quickly becomes unsolvable. They cannot stand each other on a mathematical level so you invent new math to make it possible and with an imaginary number you have the equation!

Your parents stop fighting forever!
You get a phone call from a man named John.
John explains that he is the founder of the Adoption Clinic.
He wants to offer you an opportunity to work for him as a volunteer.

You agree and John explains that he wants you to use this new divorce formula to attempt to mend broken homes.

You go to a bar.
You meet a couple, Tim and Lori. They seem nice enough.
You talk about your new math. You tell them that you've invented a new way to measure love.

You enter Tim and Lori into your divorce equation and the result is su

 they are in love.
They kiss and you feel good about yourself.
You get another phone call from John.
He wants to know if you're interested in working at his new company.
You tell him that you'd be interested, but you're waiting for your divorce to be final
You go to your parents' house.
Your parents are fighting again.
You try to get them to calm down.
Your parents get into an argument over who gets the house.

You go mad trying to figure out why the love equation is failing, but you strive in vain.

You look at your father and think that he seems sad and lonely.
You walk up to him and hug him.
Your father hugs back.
You feel better about yourself.
You go home to sleep.