EP 480 – Story #3 – You are Will Smith, after slapping Chris Rock at the Oscar ceremony you are offered a highly lucrative deal with The UFC by Dana White.

Posted under Episode 480, Story On By Chief

You are Will Smith, after slapping Chris Rock at the Oscar ceremony you are offered a highly lucrative deal with The UFC by Dana White.
 You accept and immediately begin training for your first MMA bout to be held in Madison Square Garden.
"Welcome back my friend", says Mia Hamm as she gives you a kiss on the cheek, "I'm so glad that you decided to join us tonight."

You watch your first opponent enter the ring: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

 He is much taller than you, but it seems that his height doesn't really matter when he's wearing an oversized wrestling singlet. The two of you shake hands before taking your stances. You've trained hard and know exactly what to do...

You walk into the octagon with The Rock and the bell rings, and the fight starts. You spend the first round running away from The Rock. Round 2 starts and a folding chair is tossed onto the mat. You rush over and grab it.

 The next time you see the referee, he has just taken another point off your scoreboard.
Round 3 begins and The Rock comes rushing in swinging wildly. He kicks you in the face! You try to block but one of his strikes lands on your head and knocks you out cold.

You regain consciousness, unfold the chair and sit in it. You tell the Rock, "Steroids is not a skill."

The crowd roars its approval and The Rock looks confused. After some more arguing you both agree to end the fight and The Rock leaves the arena victorious. You leave the stadium alone and go home.

You go home and for the first time in a long time you are inspired to write a new song called "The Slap" and it goes like this:

  I was walking down the street
  When someone took me aside
  And slapped me right across the face
  A simple slap, no reason why
  No words were spoken
  But still, I felt them deep inside
  It wasn't fair
  So, naturally
, I did what any man would do
  I threw him down and started to kick his ass
  As if that'd make things better
  My friends all stared at me
  Like they knew something I didn't
  But still, I kept going anyway
  'Cause I
'm strong and brave
  Or at least that's how people think
  That's why I'm always doing this stuff
  Because it's easy and it feels good
  Sometimes even though I don't mean it
  But maybe it's the only thing I can do

The song goes platinum.

 Your fans love it. It ends up being your signature hit single.
You're standing in front of the mirror getting ready for work. You take a look at yourself; you have shoulder length brown hair, green eyes, tan skin and you weigh around 170 pounds.

You get home from the studio and find your wife in bed with the Rock.

 She looks up at you with fear in her eyes and apologizes, saying "Sorry Honey, it won't happen again".
"That's okay baby," you say, as you strip down to your boxers and crawl into bed next to your wife.

You lean in for kiss, but mistakenly kiss The Rock.

 In the confusion you accidentally pull him out of your wife's arms, and he falls onto the floor. The Rock gets angry and storms out of the apartment.
You wake up the next morning feeling terrible, because you realize that now The Rock hates you forever.

You look outside and see that The Rock is immediately consumed by a swarm of Nanobots.

 The nanobots eat away at his body until there is nothing left of him but a pile of metal parts.
The next day you're sitting at home watching TV when you hear the doorbell ring.

It's Dana White who informs you that they've reversed the decision on your fight as they have a strict No Robot policy in the UFC. You won!

You start working on your music career and soon become very popular.
In your dreams you often dream of beating The Rock. One night you finally reach your breaking point.
You go to the gym early the next morning and practice fighting against The Rock until your muscles feel like jelly.

Chris Rock shows up to your home one day to personally apologize for the joke, but you only see him as "The Rock" and begin to pummel him.

Your neighbors call the police and they arrive shortly afterwards. They arrest you and charge you with assaulting a celebrity, but they let Chris Rock go free.
A year later you're on stage in Madison Square Garden performing "Rock Bottom" (written by Chris Rock).

The real moral is:

 Be careful what you wish for.
You perform "Rock Bottom" before the largest audience ever assembled at Madison Square Garden. Everyone loves the show and your popularity skyrockets.
One day a few years later, you're relaxing at home reading a book while your wife does the laundry