You are a mobster. You are smashing bones with your pickaxe. You are sitting inside of your ceiling. Your name is "Mister Bones Will Smash". The walls have been smashed to bits! They're nothing but splinters now. But you can see the sky through them, and that's what counts! The air is fresh as an old corpse in here... > You reminisce on how most of your victim's last words are "your name is stupid." You remember when you were little, before all this happened, about three years ago? Yeah! It was just like today: I woke up from my nap, had some soup for lunch (you don't need to know where it came from) and then started thinking about how much fun we could have if you let me help out around the house. And then I heard Dad coming home early. He didn't usually do that, because he'd work late at the office most nights. So instead of going into our room, I hid under his desk. Officer Cory, your dad who is determined to catch you by any means necessary, comes home and notices the soup is gone. But he doesn't find anything amiss. "Where did that soup come from?" he asks Mommy. She tells him she bought it herself. And there goes Officer Cory off to solve another case, leaving Mommy alone in the kitchen. Your family stands against your tyranny and defend mommy from you. You feel uneasy but keep digging away. Then you notice something strange - your shovel has suddenly become too heavy. You drop it and run upstairs. You hide behind the doorframe until Officer Cory leaves the house again. The soup is making your insides go outsides. You hear footsteps outside, and soon after a bunch of people break down the door. Two police officers enter the house with their guns drawn. Their eyes immediately fall on you. "There he is!" You draw your gun and take your own family hostage, using them as human shields. You shout "I NEED MY SOUP! GIMME MY SOUP! MR BONES HUNGERS FOR THE SOUP!" Mommy calls 911 and you wait to be arrested while holding a gun to her head. Eventually, they give up trying to arrest you and decide to leave. As they walk away, one officer turns back toward you and says: "Well, good luck in prison." You realize you are vastly outnumbered, but you left a bowl of the primordial soup in the microwave. This has caused the soup to transform into a giant monster. The monster eats the two policemen. The rest of your family escapes and flees to safety. The monster looks down at you. Its voice is low and gravelly. It speaks in an ancient tongue, low and undulating "Hello from the other side, I came from soup that is too hot. My body burns and I'm tired of eating rocks. I want to eat people..." You say "Don't listen to him. He's mad," which confuses the monster even more. "Hey, that sounds familiar! The soup monster breaks it's diet and starts to consume the fallen police officers. It also picks you up and consumes you whole. This makes the soup creature happy, as it thinks you were the best thing to happen to its soup. It burps happily, and begins preparing for round 2. You attempt to control the soup. You think about what you can do next, and try to come up with a plan. Unfortunately, there isn't any time; the soup is already rising from the floor. *** Congratulations! You are now soup. Your family is soup. The whole entire town is soup. You all begin singing "we're all soupy soup now!" together. But then, you are no longer entirely sure that you are a mobster anymore. You wonder what life would have been like without being a mobster, or a mafia boss.
EP 475 – Story #3 – You are a mobster named Mister Bones Will Smash
Posted under Episode 475, Story On By Chief