EP 474 – Story #3 – You are Judge Rules, the judge for the AIPD court case.

You are Judge Rules, the judge for the AIPD court case. Jason is currently Tony's legal guardian, but Cory is suing Jason because he wants legal custody of Tony. Cory is convinced that Jason's not a good parent, but Jason thinks that he's a great guardian. Cory's lawyer is Oprah and Jason's lawyer is Goldentusk. The jury is filled with fans of AIPD. You say, "Order in the court!"

The AIPD jury starts talking about the case, and it becomes clear that the jury has already reached a verdict. They start to vote.
You say, "What do you mean?"

You open a fancy case with two dueling pistols and order Cory and Jason to settle this like men.
 Cory and Jason pull out their pistols and start firing at each other. The AIPD jury watches the fight.
Cory: "I'm going to kill you! You're the worst parent ever!"

The duel takes many hours as it takes a long time to reload the dueling pistols and Jason and Cory are terrible shots.

You say, "Stop shooting each other! There's a lot of people here!"
Jason: "I can't believe you want to kill me."
Cory: "I hate you!
"

You interrupt the duel and change their sentence to couple's therapy.

Cory: "You're going to have to be locked up."
Jason: "What are you talking about? You're the one who tried to kill me."
You order Tony to go with you.

Jason and Cory enter your office and are surprised to see that you are going to be their counselor.

You say, "Cory, you are a very angry person. Jason, you are a very angry person. That's not a good combination."
Jason: "We're not angry, we're just passionate."

You have Cory and Jason play a simple game together of
 two players against the computer. Cory and Jason take turns and each get one turn per move.
Cory: "Okay, I'll go first."
You say, "Cory, what's the first move?"

You watch as Jason and Cory argue for 45 minutes over who will take the first turn.

Jason: "I get the first turn!"
Cory: "No, you don't. I get the first turn!"
You say, "Stop arguing!"
You say, "Fine, Cory, go ahead."

You watch and Jason and Cory slowly begin to learn to cooperate with each other.

You say, "You two are starting to cooperate."
Cory: "I'm not sure if I like it."
You say, "You're starting to cooperate."
Cory: "I'm not sure if I like it."

You tell Cory, "Tough titties!" and grant them shared custody of Tony.
 Cory and Jason go their separate ways.
You say, "That was a good session."
The AIPD jury is stunned by the outcome. Oprah says, "That's not how the game is supposed to go.

You hold Oprah in contempt of court.
 You order Oprah to serve 30 days of hard labor as punishment.
You say, "Order!"
Oprah is removed from the jury. You order a new jury to be picked.
You say, "Order in the court!"

Oprah has never been told no and this sentence shocks her.  As she is breaking rocks and stamping license plates she asks to speak with you privately.
 She says, "I don't think you are a very good judge."
You say, "I am a very good judge."
Oprah: "I don't think you are. You just let them get away with anything.

You sentence Oprah to another 30 days of hard labor.  She gaffahs.

You say, "Order in the court!"
Oprah is removed from the jury.
You say, "Order in the court!"
Oprah has never been told no and this sentence shocks her.

Oprah explodes.
 She screams that you are a horrible, horrible judge and that you are a horrible, horrible person. You ignore her and continue to sentence people to hard labor.
You say, "Order in the court!"

You order Oprah to meet you in your chambers for private council. Oprah arrives and you are naked on your desk, save for a gavel over your privates.
 Oprah is shocked by this.
Oprah: "What are you doing?"
You say, "I'm punishing you."
Oprah: "For what?"
You say, "For what you said."