You are Impotent Rage, Wrath's less successful sibling and horse groomer of the apocalypse. One day the impossible happens and you are chosen to lead the armies of hell against the heavenly General Argus. You have the following impotence based demons at your command: - Axebeard: a giant axe that will never leave its owner's side. - Gargoyle: an armored demon capable of summoning swarms of bats from another dimension. - Hellhound: a vicious dog with three heads who has been trained by Satan himself to hunt souls across dimensions. You can equip one creature per turn on your left hand. Your stats are: Strength 4, Dexterity 6, Constitution 8, Intelligence 9, Wisdom 7 . > You escape a pile of Officer Cory's police uniforms and roll initiative. You take no damage this round. You are still in the woods south east of Purgatory Parkway. You are surrounded by Officer Cory's dead policemen, their blood staining the grass green. > You command Axebeard to attack Officer Cory, but the axe limply falls to the ground, and returns to your hand. Your creatures cannot be harmed or killed while they're being commanded. Officer Cory stands in front of you with his two pistols drawn, grinning widely as he fires bullet after bullet into you. > You bark order after order at your creatures, but they are distracted by a demon wearing the coolest hat in the universe. Axebeard, Gargoyle, Hellhound, and Demon Cowboy all stare up at him, then resume doing whatever it is they do best. "This is going nowhere," says the cowboy. > You try to command the Ereptile Dysfuction, but your demon level is too low. You have reached the maximum number of demons (1) you can command. You need to defeat Officer Cory and collect more officers' uniforms if you want to keep commanding them. You are still in the woods south east of Purgatory Parkway. > You collect uniforms from the woods and are finally able to summon another demon. You call the Demon Cowboy to come fight for you. Your creatures cannot be harmed or killed while they're being commanded. The Demon Cowboy joins your party! He attacks Officer Cory, but is easily thrown back by the cop's bullets. You are surrounded by Officer Cory's dead policemen, their blood staining the grass green. > You collect all the uniforms and then command your demons to collect the dead officers and pile them into a large mound of impotent demon flesh. You command all of your creatures to help you carry the bodies away. You are now outnumbered. All of the officer's corpses have joined the pile of impotent rage. *** You are now in the parking lot north of Purgatory Parkway. The pile of impotent rage rolls into a giant fleshy ball that rolls around Hell collecting everything it's path. The impotent rage has rolled forward and engulfed the remains of Officer Cory. It starts rolling towards Purgatory Parkway. *** You are now in the hospital room northwest of Purgatory Parkway. > You join the collective hive mind of the impotent rage ball. Your impotence is combining with there to create the Ultimate Impotent Being! You are now part of an enormous mass of impotent rage which grows larger every second. This formless monster consumes anything within its reach, growing even as it does so. > You soon grow grow so large that purgatory parkway cannot contain you. Your mass shatters the grand illusion and you break out of hell into its framework. You are now outside of reality. There are several people walking about, but you cannot interact with them. You appear to be in a dreamscape. The scene before you shifts like a kaleidoscope. > You see the following amazing things fly by: - a car, - a man running for his life, - a woman in a red dress, - a little girl, - a big black cat, - a house, - a train, - a boat, - an army of soldiers, - a dragon, - a robot, - a spaceship, - a giant dinosaur, - a meteor, - a planet, - a star, - a galaxy, - the moon, - the sun, - a cloud, - the eye of prov idence, - a comet, - a black hole, - an elephant, - an octopus, - a mouse, - a vulture, - a monkey, - an ostrich, - a whale, - a shark, > You then see the most amazing landscape of all time: - the view from the top of a mountain peak, - a snowy wasteland, - a lush tropical garden, - a deep ocean trench, - a city square, - a desert dune, - a dark forest of an enormous creature. As the scenery continues to shift you realize you have found your way to the home of the Almighty Himself. He sits on His throne, the stars shining overhead. As you approach Him you notice the world around you begins to disappear. You wake up.
EP 474 – Story #1 – You are Impotent Rage, Wrath’s less successful sibling and horse groomer of the apocalypse.
Posted under Episode 474, Story On By Chief