EP 473 – Story #2 – You are Robert Pattinson, star of the new Batman.

Posted under Episode 473, Story On By Chief

You are Robert Pattinson, an Actor who has just starred in the New Batman Film. You are currently doing a Panel at Comic Con when Suddenly, Christian Bale and George Clooney crash through the Window In their Batman Costumes and George Clooney exclaims " Let's fight to the death to determine who's the best Batman!".
 Your Life Preserver falls off the Catwalk as you try to throw them off. You attempt to make your way out of the room, but the Custodian has locked the door with the keys and the Catwalk has gone out of reach.

You are startled by the sound of gunfire as Joker (from Persona) bursts onto the scene.
 He points a gun at you and begins to fire.
"Everybody die!!"
Joker dives through the window and begins fighting Batman.
***
"It's me, it's me, it's me again, Batman!

You are saved by Joey de Leon, a Filipino comedian who played Batman in a 1991 parody film.
 He asks if you want to do a skit with him, but you decline his offer and escape through the Window.
You are stunned by the sound of gunfire as Joker (from Persona) bursts onto the scene.

You pickup a waterproof cardboard box which turns into a sword when it gets wet.
 You put on the Joker's mask. You throw your waterproof sword at Batman and it sticks to his face.
"Hey, there! Me again! I am Joker, the most insane criminal you ever saw.

You remove your batmask to reveal your white face paint and green hair. You rush through the crowd to the convention floor.
 Batman and Robin are fighting against Joker (from Persona) while Harvey Dent attempts to stop them.
"I'm gonna get you for this!" shouts Joker as he pulls out a gun from his belt.

You yell, "NANANANANANANA, DOES BATMAN WANT A BANNANANANANANANANANANANA? BATBATBATBATBATMANMANMANMANMAN"

Then you run past the Convention Floor and out the front door. You see that your car is still parked in the parking lot. You run back to the car and get in. You then drive away as quickly as you can.

You look over in the passenger seat and see Two turds from Two-Face smushed in your car seat.

***
"I'm going to kill you! No, wait! I'll kill myself!"
You drive home while Batman chases you.
As you get in the front door of your home, you hear your house alarm go off.

The bat-claxon blares "INTRUDER! INTRUDER!" as you hit the turbo boost on the batmobile, and roll the windows down.

You immediately park the car outside, hop out the vehicle and sprint upstairs, while Batman chases behind you. You quickly lock the door and turn off the alarm system, as well as the lights.

You hide in the bat-panic room. Arthur and Robin try to join you, but you slam the door behind yourself yelling "there's no time"
 and "GET OUT, I SAY! THERE'S NO TIME!" and close the door before anyone else can come in.
You begin to sweat and start to feel hot. You begin to feel dizzy and faint and see stars before passing out on the floor.