EP 473 – Story #1 – You are Tony, a guy who stole a spaceship so he could impress women.

Posted under Episode 473, Story On By Chief

You are Tony, a guy who stole a spaceship so he could impress women. You get into the spaceship and start flying it. However, you quickly get scared. You put on a parachute, jump out of the spaceship and land on a field of grass. The spaceship crashes into Mars. The spaceship and Mars both explode. Officer Cory walks up to you and asks what happened. You tell Cory that your legal guardian, Jason, blew up Mars. Cory arrests Jason and adopts you.
 Officer Cory asks you to join his secret spy group, The Legends.

 You accept, and are given a spy suit. Officer Cory tells you to find his girlfriend, Diana. He gives you a clue, saying he went east. Officer Cory walks away.

> You put on the spy suit and head.  You are sore after crashing the spaceship and you have hobble and waddle everywhere.

You put on the spy suit and walk east.
You are outside a large white house. There is a picket fence in front of you. The sign on the gate says "Chin Chueh" in Chinese letters.

> You enter the house and meet John Cena.

The living room is filled with furniture, and there are several paintings hanging on the wall. A grandfather clock is against one of the walls. A bookshelf has a lot of books. On top of the table, there is a chess set and a glass of wine.

John Cena greets you in Chinese:
 "Welcome to Chin Chueh. Please sit down."
He sits in a chair and gestures at the table. "Do you want something to drink?"
You decline, but John offers you some wine anyway.

You ask for some bing chilling and inquire about Diana.
 He says she is fine. You ask how long they've been dating. John says he met her during World War II. He tells you that they fell in love because their families were close friends.

You ask John Cena, "Wow WW2?  How old are you?"

"I'm only twenty years old," John replies.
You say, "That's young. You must be a baby."
"No, I am an adult," John explains.

You tell John Cena that Diana's ex boyfriend is looking for and presumed her to be kidnapped.
 You also mention the kidnapper being a giant rat. John says he has heard that rumor too.
You ask John Cena if he has any idea where she might be. He says he does not.

You ask a Mars hobo "Where do giant rats live"?

He points west.
You ask "Can you take me to the place where giant rats live?
The hobo tells you that there are no giant rats left on Earth. They all got wiped out in the war.

You approach the giant rat den and call for Diana.
 The giant rat responds. You say, "Diana! It's me! Tony!"
She comes running. She hugs you tightly.
You tell Diana, "I am glad you are okay.

The Giant Diana Rat hugs you with their teeth and breaks your glasses. You stumble around blinded, warm liquid runs down your face.
 You ask "What the fuck just happened?"
You tell Diana, "I need to talk to you."
You ask "Do you know why we broke up?"
She says it was because she cheated on you with her brother-in-law.

You tell Diana Cory is looking for her and that she should at least give him some closure if she is moving on.
 You tell her the truth, that you are a spy and that you stole a spaceship so you could impress women. You also tell her that you are trying to impress her by stealing an alien spaceship from under her nose.

Giant Diana Rat say's "I'm a giant rat, I care about cheese, and warmth, what is space?"

You tell her that she is a giant rat, which makes sense as she is eating cheese. You ask her if she wants to go home.
She says yes.
You and Diana leave the giant rat den.

You have a cheese party and everyone shows up... including Cory.  Cory sees you and Diana flirting by the cheese fondue fountain.
 He yells "Tony!" and then punches you in the face. You black out and wake up in a jail cell.
You are in a jail cell. You are lying on the floor.

You see Officer Cory glaring at you from his desk and you ask, "Am I still in the Legends or no?"

Cory says, "Oh yes. You are in the Legends."
Cory says, "I am going to charge you with stealing an alien spaceship, assaulting an officer, and resisting arrest.

You think "Eh, what the hell...", and assault Officer Cory with the only thing in your pockets:
 the ring you bought for Diana.
You are arrested and thrown into prison.
You are locked in a cell. There is nothing in your pockets.

Next Time on The Olympus Mons Redemption 2:
 Tony finds Diana's body and is horrified. He decides to escape and rescue her. He sneaks into the spaceship hangar and steals the ship. He flies it over Mars and lands on the moon.