EP 470 – Story #1 – You are Hue Didit, the worlds guiltiest looking man.

Posted under Episode 470, Story On By Chief

You are Hue Didit, the worlds guiltiest looking man. You live in Leadsom, the most crime riddled city in the world and have been to  jail 120 times. One day you walk past someone littering when a police officer comes round the corner
 and spots you. They point at you and shout: "Hue Didit! Stop him!" The policeman runs up to you and throws his baton at you. He hits you square in the head.

You resist arrest.
 A fight breaks out. During the fight you manage to escape from the police officer. You run straight into a dead end alleyway and climb over some garbage bins.
 You have lost your bag with all of your money, ID, cigarettes, and even some of the chocolate that you had stolen.

You realize that a bottle labeled Perfume you stole actually contains hazardous waste.
 The smell is terrible so you put it under your shirt to help mask the odor.

You then notice an old homeless man who has set up a stall outside of the supermarket where you stole the perfume from.

You ask the homeless man "Where did you get this perfume?"
 He replies, "From my friend. He works for the perfume company.
You take the bottle from the homeless man and go to sell it back to the store. The cashier refuses to buy it as there's no receipt.

Dick Justice, the one note detective
, is suspicious of you and begins to inquire further about the perfume

The police arrive on the scene but before they can do anything Dick Justice arrests you. You're sent to prison.
After 4 years you finally get out of prison. You find an old homeless man in the street corner and ask him for the perfume that you stole 4 years ago.

You try incredibly hard to not commit any crimes.
 You try and find ways to make money legitimately. You then become a successful entrepreneur selling T-shirts and accessories online. You are now a rich man.
One day you meet a beautiful woman at a party.

You show off your kicks and say "you can buy these on my website." You spin as you hand the beautiful woman your card.

She asks, "Do you have the perfume I stole 4 years ago?" You reply, "yes. You can buy it here on my website." She buys the perfume and you leave the party with her.

You ask her to please refrain from wearing the perfume around you, but it is too late and she has already heavily sprayed herself with it.  The radioactive waste transforms her into
 a mutant, giving her cat-like abilities and making her even more attractive than before.
You then ask her to marry you, but she declines as you don't have enough money yet to buy the ring.

You steal enough money to buy the ring.
 On your wedding day you give the ring back to the woman.
The next day you wake up and find your wife missing. She has left without a word. You go out to the alley where you met her, but there is no trace of her.

You try to find out who stole your wife!

You look through all of the newspapers. You search for her on the internet, but there are no recent sightings or news about her.
You go out to the police station and ask if they have any information on her disappearance.
 They tell you that the police do not keep records on people who are missing unless they are found dead.
You look in the lost and found bin at the supermarket where you met her, but she is not there.

You look in your DVD collection of Lost, it was her favorite show.
 You realize that she is gone forever.
You become a drug dealer. You make sure to sell drugs to everyone in Leadsom. It is a profitable business, however you eventually get caught by the police.

You go full "Tony Montana" and get into a guns blazing cocaine-fueled firefight with the police. Your wife is unfortunately caught in the crossfire.

After the shootout, the police take you to prison.  After 4 years, you are finally released.
Your wife is now deceased. You decide to kill yourself.
You buy a gun and go out into a field in the middle of nowhere.

You walk past another man who was going to take their own life, but snapped out of it. They stop you and say "Hey, I'
 m here for you!" You put the gun down. You then realize that you actually love this man and you want to spend your remaining days with him.
You begin a relationship. You grow old together and die peacefully in each others arms.