EP 469 – Story #2 – You are at your house doing the laundry and you’re all out of socks!

Posted under Episode 469, Story On By Chief

You are at your house doing the laundry and you're all out of socks! So you go to the store to get some new ones. But when you go to the store they won't sell you any!

They keep telling you, "This is not a sock store!"
When you get back home, there's a letter in the mailbox from your mother saying that she won't be able to visit for Thanksgiving.

This is tragic as your mother usually buys you socks for Thanksgiving.  Where will get socks now!?

Your family is at the dinner table and they're eating their turkey and pumpkin pie. But what everyone isn't talking about is how your mom won't be visiting because she doesn't want to see you anymore.

You aren't close attention to your family as you are fixated on finding new socks today before you go to bed.
 But while you are doing this you begin to think back to your childhood when your mother was always buying you socks for Thanksgiving. You start crying uncontrollably because you realize you have no one left to buy you socks on Thanksgiving.

Then a Thanksgiving day miracle!  You hear a knock at the door, it is the delivery man dropping of a late gift from your mother!  You tear open the box with tears streaming down your face and see that your mother has gotten you: sandals.

You take a step outside and try them on but they don't fit and you can't get them off either. Your family then notices that you are having a hard time and you ask if they would please help you.

You snap at them and say, "I got it!"

They say, "We love you."
You tell them thanks and that you'll call for help if you need them to. You put on your sandals and you head over to your friends house where you plan on having a big sock party!

You go to the big sock party after Thanksgiving dinner and find out you are the only sockless person there.

You sit alone on a couch and watch your friends and family laugh, drink, and eat. But you feel like you've been forgotten so you decide to leave.
As you leave the sock party you notice there is an old man sitting next to the front door.

You sit down next to the old man and tell him that you wish you had a pair of socks like everyone else and that you'd do anything for them.
 The old man then says, "Hey kid! Do you want a pair of socks?"
You nod yes and he takes out a pair of socks from his pocket, gives them to you, and says, "Take them.
 They're yours now."
Then you wake up in a cold sweat and realize it was just a dream.

You are in a fugue state and require socks at any cost.  All the stores are closed, but you don't care anymore as you smash the windows and break into the mall.  You roam from store to store like a wild animal craving a kill to find some socks.  Any socks.  You see the sock aisle and lunge for them!

They are locked away inside of the safe but you are not to be deterred! You are strong, you are fast, and you have a vendetta against socks!
You take a sledgehammer and break into the safe, smash open the sock case, and grab all of the socks in
 it. You take out all the socks in the case and then proceed to fill your pockets with them.
You run out of the store and back home where you can finally breathe easy knowing you have a full sock drawer once again!

You hear police sirens and realize your house is surround.  You hear the chief of police over the loudspeaker telling you to surrender and return all the stolen socks.  You aren't going down without a fight and
 decide to flee the scene on foot.
You sprint through the streets as the police chase after you. They get close enough to shoot you but you duck under a tree branch and they miss. You come out of the bushes and make a mad dash for the ocean where you leap from the cliff and fly

 into the air.
You fall from the sky and splash into the ocean. You float on the surface until the current carries you to a beach where you lay waiting for rescue.  It isn't long until you see the lifeguard boat.
  You hop aboard weak and and ask to borrow the captains socks.
 The captain tells you to relax and wait for his assistant to arrive.  Just as he says this you see a pair of sandals bobbing in the water next to you.  You take them and put them on your feet.
  You hear the voice of your mother go through your mind:

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!"
You put the sandals on and feel the sun on your face. You smile and say, "I'm happy and I know it."

  You clap your hands and sing the song all the way home.  You become a sandals guy.

You are the king of the sock world! You own everything there is to own.  You have an island fortress and it's surrounded by a moat. There you live in opulence and you don't give a damn what anyone thinks about you.