EP 468 – Story #1 – You are Stephen Spielberg and your having trouble writing the script to a new Movie called “Jason: the Birthday hater”.

Posted under Episode 468, Story On By Chief

You are Stephen Spielberg and your having trouble writing the script to a new Movie called "Jason: the Birthday hater". You are worried that the Controversial Topic Matter will make the film Flop in the Box office

So you decide to call up an old friend of yours, who also happens to be your brother-in-law's niece. She is very good at helping write scripts for movies and TV shows.

She tells you she will help write the movie, but she has one demand:

"I need Jason in this movie, he is my favorite movie monster. He should be played by one of my ex boyfriends. I want him to get his dick ripped off during the movie."

You agree and start by throwing out 468 piles of Cory's clothes from wardrobe.
 After all, it is his birthday, he'll want to feel like a man.
That evening, while you are filming the "Birthday party scene", Cory gets bored and starts to walk away from the camera crew.

You yell, "Cut!" and privately talk with Cory.  You ask him why he walked off mid-scene.

Cory tells you, "Well, I can't take it anymore. This is supposed to be a comedy movie and it isn't funny. The only jokes were about my dick being cut off."

You try to convince Cory that is will play very well to the target audience.

"They won't get it," says Cory.
You tell him, "If they don't get it, I will have to take it all back and I will be blamed for the flop."

Cory hesitantly agrees to continue filming.  You finish filming and the ratings board gives your final cut an X rating.

Your nephew and niece get their own show on a TV network and make lots of money.
Then you go to see your brother-in-law at his restaurant.
You walk in and ask him how things are going.

He says, "Fine. Do you have any idea what that fucker Steven Spielberg did?"
You ask, "What happened to Cory?"
"Cory? Oh, he got fired.

You explain to your brother-in-law that YOU are Stephen Spielberg and you did this to Cory.  But you promise you will make things right.

You say, "I am so sorry, but I have to pay for this one. If I don't, then it will look like I am trying to hide something."
"So, what do you want to do?

You tell your brother-in-law that Cory will be the star of your next movie called:

"Cory's Revenge."
Then, you write Cory a check for $50,000.
He runs out of the restaurant crying.
The End.

You're the guy who wrote 'Pulp Fiction'.

You are about to correct the waitress, but you just let it slide.

You see her making the same mistake again with the second drink and this time you don't miss your chance.
"Hey! You're mixing up the drinks there!" you tell her.
She looks over at you confused and a little annoyed.

Suddenly Quentin Tarantino enters the restaurant and sits at a table nearby.  You can hear the waitress confuse him for
"Tarantino!" she yells, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry," She brings over his drink and a shot glass filled with what appears to be a black liquid.

You think this must be fate telling you to team up with Quentin.  You go over and ask him to co-direct on your next movie "Cory's Revenge".  Quentin accept, but has one request:

"Make me the star of the movie."
You agree and write a script where Quentin gets his dick ripped off by a group of women.
When filming starts, Quentin takes his role very seriously, but soon goes overboard and starts yelling at the extras to give it their all.

You give Quentin a pep talk and tell him to cool it.

Quentin says, "I want it to look real."
You say, "Look Quentin, I've had my dick cut off, and trust me, it's not all that painful."

Quentin doesn't be you so you pull your pants down and prove it.

"See? It really hurts. Believe me, this is not how you want your penis cut off."
Quentin gives up and stops directing.
Quentin walks into your trailer and tells you he has a new idea.
 He asks if he can play the part of a guy who cuts off his own penis with a razor blade.  Quentin wants you to be the director.
You agree on the condition that he still co-direct the movie.

Quentin says, "Yeah, I guess we could work something out," then Quentin quickly leaves.
When filming starts again you tell Quentin to act like he's having sex with a girl while he cuts off his own penis.

Quentin once again storms off set.  You ask him, "What is the problem now?"

"You're making my penis look small," he yells.
You explain to Quentin that you only need to make his penis look smaller than a normal penis.  You go over and try to show him what you mean.

Quentin takes a look at your penis and says, "You see? It looks like a big dick to me!"
You realize Quentin doesn't want to appear as though he has a tiny cock.

You promise CGI will it and you show him some test footage where it appears that Quentin has a horse size penis.
  Quentin sees it and immediately becomes obsessed with this new look.
He wants to do the rest of the film in that same style.
Quentin forgets about the movie altogether. He starts drinking and hanging out at all the best clubs.

You lose funding for the film after the horse penis test footage leaks.  You know it was Quentin, but you don't care anymore and join him at the bar.

After the movie was filmed you found out that Quentin Tarantino actually had a dick. It was only 3 inches long.
You started dating his sister, who was your neighbor. You guys have been together ever since and you still watch Quentin's movies today.