EP 467 – Story #1 – You are Tommy Wisseau, a tortured Hollywood genius.

Posted under Episode 467, Story On By Chief

You are Tommy Wisseau, a tortured Hollywood genius. One day an angel of Hollywood approaches you and gives you a script that if you adapt in full into a movie you'll never need to work again. If you miss a single detail however, you will die a cruel and peculiar death
 at the hands of some monstrous creature from your own imagination. You must now adapt this story into a film -- or die trying!
As you're reading the script you realize it's actually part of a much larger manuscript filled with disturbing stories about the origins of mankind
.
> You start a fake charity to get a free wardrobe for the film. You are donated All of the clothes that Cory bought in the last 2 years.


Yes, you can just tell him it was all a mistake. But then he would be left out of pocket and angry. He could very well sue you, so you'd better run quickly before he catches up.

> You come up with a first draft of the movie you are currently calling:
 "The Monster in The Hills".
You have no idea what this story is called - so you start writing whatever comes to mind. You begin by describing the monster, and write down a description of his appearance.
 He is covered in fur (of course), has huge teeth like fangs and has tentacles growing from his back. It seems he lives in the hills, but you can't quite remember why...
"I don't know," says Michael.

> You decide the monster lives in the Hollywood Hills, in a giant mansion.

A sudden gust of wind blows through the room, and it feels cold. You shiver as you look towards the window. Something is watching you from outside. There's something on the roof. A figure.

> You try to hire the mysterious figure for a leading role in your movie.

There is no response.

Tommy
 shakes his head. "No one wants to take any jobs in this town anymore."
You glance up at the window. What the hell? Someone is standing there, staring right at you.

You call to the window, offering a sizable cut of the theater profits to the person. They push the window open and you see Lord Michael Grey staring down at you. He barks "
What do you want?"
Michael laughs. You feel his eyes lingering on you for a moment longer than necessary.
"Lucky for me I'm not here to help you make your movie," he says.

You start throwing a football around with Lord Michael Grey.
 You notice that he doesn't seem to have any arms. Then you catch him off guard with a hard tackle. He falls to the ground and you proceed to kick him repeatedly in the stomach.
He groans, clutching his gut.

You reveal to Lord Michael Grey that you've had a camera crew secretly filming this entire time. You release your "documentary".
 The only problem is that it's absolutely terrible. There are several parts where you look away from the camera, and it turns out that you also forgot to turn the camera on. In fact, you haven't even bothered to edit it yet.

Years pass and your film sits dormant until Vinegar Syndrome buys your film and finishes it.  They release it under the new name:
 "The House on Sorority Row". You watch the final version of the film and realize what a horrible film it is. You are completely embarrassed by your own acting, writing, and directing abilities.

However it becomes a cult favorite.
 And when the rights to the novel of "The Monster in the Hills" are sold to a publisher, you become a best-selling author overnight. You go on to write many more novels, and eventually end up writing the screenplay for the film "The Monster in the Hills".