EP 466 – Story #1 – You are Christopher Breadson, a guy who has been eating twenty sandwiches a day.

Posted under Episode 466, Story On By Chief

You are Christopher Breadson, a guy who has been eating twenty sandwiches a day. Your friends think you should eat less sandwiches. You sigh and say, "Fine." You start eating fifteen sandwiches a day. It's not easy for you, but you manage to do it. However, your friends still think you're eating too many sandwiches.

You continue with the sandwich-a-day diet until one day, while looking at a picture of Michael in the magazine, something happens:
You lose control. Suddenly, you don't care about eating any more sandwiches -- you want to go on eating them forever!

> You consult your best friend Lester, a guy who wets his pants whenever he drinks anything.

Lester is your best friend, even though he's always wetting himself. He tells you that he doesn't understand what happened to you, since he was eating lots of sandwiches just like you were.

> You realize you don't want to turn out like Lester and quit sandwiches cold turkey.  However this gives you severe sandwich withdraw

Your stomach growls and aches all day long. You try to distract yourself by reading a book, or playing video games, but nothing helps. Finally, late at night, when everyone else is asleep, you sneak into the kitchen and steal an entire loaf of bread.

Your wife catches you and says, "I thought you said this was over... you need to get help!"

"But I can't," you tell her. "The only thing that will stop my craving is another sandwich!"
She looks at you pityingly and asks, "Why did you have to ruin everything?"

You convince your wife that this is it, your last sandwich ever and after this it is really over.
 She reluctantly agrees to let you finish the whole loaf. As soon as you've finished, however, she puts the bread back in the fridge and locks it up.
You return to bed, but lie there awake for hours.

You have a magical vivid dream about sandwiches:

In your dream, you find yourself walking through the woods near your house. A strange feeling comes over you, so you look down at the ground around you. There, right in front of your eyes, are dozens of delicious-looking sandwiches, each one freshly made.
 They are arranged neatly in rows, separated from each other by small strips of paper. Each sandwich is covered with layers of cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, bacon, mustard, mayo, ketchup, pickles, ham, roast beef, chicken breast, pork sausage, tuna fish, shrimp cocktail

Your wife has put the following extreme measures around the house to stop you:

1) The refrigerator door has been welded shut.
2) A padlock has been installed on the pantry cupboard.
3) The stove has been bolted to the floor.

4) All the pots and pans have been removed from the cabinets and replaced with large wooden crates.
5) Two heavy chains have been hung across the sink and oven.
6) A steel grate has been placed in the doorway leading into the dining room.

1 year later, you have been sandwich sober and things seem to finally be going well in your life until
 you come home to find the following note on the table:
Dear Mr. Breadson,
We regret having to take such drastic actions against our son Christopher, but we feel these steps must be taken immediately if he is to survive the rest of his life.

You see the attached paperwork is from your parents and they have cut you out of the will because of your addiction.

They have left the money to someone else.
Sincerely yours,
Mrs. Snow
P.S. We hope that this situation does not affect our relationship with you.
Michael is furious.

You are so mad and sad that your own parents think so lowly of you.  Michael suggests going on a sandwich bender.

Afterwards, Michael and Mrs. Snow apologize for their behavior towards you and ask if they could borrow some money. You give them enough for the lawyer fees, which leaves you broke.
You decide to work for the Snow family to pay off the debt and hopefully make amends.

You begin to resent Mrs Snow and Michael.
 One day you overhear them discussing how much better it would be if Christopher had died instead.
This makes you very angry and you decide to run away.
You pack a bag full of food and head north into the mountains.

You realize living in the mountains is not as easy as you thought it would be, but you are making it work and the best is you are far from sandwich temptation.

Eventually you become tired of being alone and decide to head south again.  You spend a lot of time wandering aimlessly before finding yourself in Boston, Massachusetts.
You wonder where you should go next and end up in New York City.

There you see an ad in a travel agency for The Sandwich Islands.  You sell everything you have and buy a 1 way ticket.

Upon arrival, you learn that Hawaii was actually named The Sandwich Islands.
A few months pass and you decide to explore the area.  You visit the volcano, the beach, and the rainforest.

You live the rest of your days there as a sandwich free beach bum.

One day you meet a woman with green skin and bright blue hair.  You talk to her about your life and she tells you that you're a sandwich addict.
"Don't worry, you'll get over it eventually."