EP 464 – Story #2 – You are Eddie Eater, a grocery store owner.

Posted under Episode 464, Story On By Chief

You are Eddie Eater, a grocery store owner. When you have a good day, you treat your employees and customers with respect. However, when you have a bad day, you play pranks on your employees and sell expired food to your customers.

The last of the grocery carts is wheeled inside the store, and you start making dinner for tonight's special: stewed rabbit with carrots and potatoes. You make an effort not to look at the dead rabbit hanging in the meat department -- it doesn't seem right somehow that it should be used so
 soon after its death; you're pretty sure rabbits don't even stop breathing until they've been hung up for several days. Then again, this isn't exactly your first rodeo...
Eddie has a large freezer in the back of his store, which he uses to keep anything that might go

Jason, a guy who has been secretly stealing butter from your store, is caught red handed.  You feel bad and offer him a job at your store.
 He accepts, but because of the stolen butter, you get your security system upgraded to include a metal detector and some motion sensors.  It's funny how the thief never seems to see it coming;
 no matter what part of the store he tries to rob, he gets caught every time.  At least it keeps him off the street, and he always pays his fines, so there's that.

You decide to set a trap for the robber, a display statue made of solid butter in the shape of famous 80's cartoon star
, Poindexter. When he comes by tonight, all you have to do is wait for the inevitable.
When you check your email, you see a message from the local police station.
"Eddie, I have a favor to ask you.
 Could you stop selling expired food to your customers? We can't have that kind of thing going on. Please understand that it's for their own good."
The police never had any evidence to prove you were guilty.

You decide to send a care package of expired food to the police station as an apology for selling expired food to people.

Suddenly, you hear someone coming through the front door. You look up, and there's a man standing there with a duffle bag over his shoulder. He's carrying a gun, and a knife is tucked into his belt.

You remain perfectly still and the robber passes right by you.
 You turn around in time to see him walk straight through the metal detector.
You know the robber is heading towards the meat department, where he's most likely to find butter. But you have a trick up your sleeve...

He's now in the meat department, looking at the frozen packages. As you suspected, the thief sees the Poindexter statue and heads straight towards it.
As soon as he walks past the display, you activate a motion sensor.

The motion sensor triggers a trap:
 a thick layer of butter is suddenly poured down the thief's pants, completely covering him from head to toe. It takes several minutes for the butter to thaw, but eventually the thief is completely encased in a thick layer of hardened butter.

You call the cops, feeling accomplished that your trap worked. The police arrive and dig the robber out of the butter, only to find them suffocated with lungs full of butter.
  After a long conversation with the police about the importance of good hygiene, the robber is taken to the hospital, where he dies shortly thereafter.
Eddie Eater
The Chief of Police calls you, asking you to come to the station.

You arrive with several expired hygiene products for the police.

"Hey, Eddie. Thanks a million for the donation of the expired hygiene items. You saved countless lives today."
After giving the policeman a few bars of chocolate, you walk home.  You feel so proud.

Life sure is looking up for Eddie Eater!

There is nothing in particular to see here.
You go into the back room of the store. You notice the butter sitting there, staring at you.
"You really should have gone through a better selection process before I was put on display like this.