EP 461 – Story #1 – You are Al Bunsup, a baker who plans to poison the entire bread supply of your competitors so you are the only bakery open in town.

Posted under Episode 461, Story On By Chief

You are Al Bunsup, a baker who plans to poison the entire bread supply of your competitors so you are the only bakery open in town. Your idea to achieve this is
 to add something to their loaves that will make them poisonous but harmless to your own customers. The plan is simple enough: use a chemical process to remove all harmful ingredients from the bread without affecting its taste.

Michael, a customer who's wearing a slippery towel, slips in the kitchen and spills the antidote down the drain.
 Unfortunately for you, the chemical process is still underway and Michael eats one of the poisoned loaves before it has been perfected. He lives for several months after eating the poisoned loaves, but finally succumbs to his poisoning.

You hold a special memorial sale in Michael's honor. The sale reads: Michaels Muffin Memorial- Come in wearing only a towel and get a free mini-muffin (100% lead free)
 in memory of Michael, whose life was ended by one of our delicious products.
After this incident, your competitors quickly come up with an antidote to your chemical process; however, as a precaution they only release the product once they've gotten rid of the batch that's been poisoned.

You rebrand the store in an attempt to dodge bad PR by naming the store
 "The Right Bread" in Michael's honor. After several attempts at releasing your new bread, you are finally able to market it to a select few. Your competitors, of course, are furious.

Your competition does the following:

1) Releases an antidote to your process. They then release it to everyone for free.
2) In the middle of their marketing campaign for the antidote, they create a press conference to announce the imminent arrival of your poison.

You watch a competitor's tv commercial:

"In a shocking turn of events, local bakeries have been found to be using poisons to kill off their competition! This morning we will find out exactly which bakeries were involved when these poisonous loaves go on sale!"

You realize you're going to be caught if you don't dispose of the poisonous loaves quickly.
 You quickly look around for someone who would be willing to help you get rid of them.
There aren't many people left in town who might take pity on you. You could offer your competitors a deal: in exchange for disposing of the poisoned bread, you will make sure their business continues uninterrupted.

The rival bakeries take your offer, you load all their poisonous bread into your delivery van and arrive at your dump site, the local park where you can feed the bread to the pidgeons. As you crumble the loaves and the birds gather, you are surprised by Agent Cooper from the FDA who asks "what are you doin with all that bread?"
 He then grabs you by your shirt and throws you in a truck.
He takes you to a federal facility outside of town where you are interrogated, and your house is searched. A member of the police department also arrives with a box of evidence.

The officer puts a bag of high gluten flour on the table and says "You offer Gluten free options, but this is High-gluten flour. This is poisonous to the gluten intolerant." You ask "is that a crime?"
 The officer responds "Depends how bad they catch you." You realize it's a trap.
Agent Cooper tells you he doesn't know how the poison got into the loaves or how long it took to get into the bloodstream.

You are given a choice, eat the poison bread or go to jail.

A reporter is there. You are told to "speak up". You say "I didn't want to poison anyone! I had no idea what was in the loaves! It's the only way to stop them!

You consume the bread and immediately pass away.

In the afterlife you meet Michael in the clouds. He offers his condolences to you. Michael informs you that it was actually your competitor's bread that was poisoned.
He tells you he had nothing to do with it;

God interrupts your conversation with a beard full of crumbs and says "this bread is pretty good!"

Michael replies "and this is really great bread!"
God continues "what about the other stuff in my heaven? The things we're not supposed to eat?"
Michael laughs "Ah, well, that's God for ya!"