You are taking a sitcom character personality quiz, the quiz will ask you progressively bizarre questions until i t arbitrarily decides which sitcom character you might be. Question one is: "Which of these occupations do you think would suit you best?" "Doctor." The quiz says, "Okay, then! You'd probably enjoy The Adventures of Superman!" "What the hell does that even mean?" You look at the next question: Question two is "Which of these fictional characters do you think you're most like?" "I don't know how to take this goddamn test." Your score is 0 out of 20. Your sitcom character is: Clark Kent from All in the Family. In which case, you should probably find something else to do. But you're not sure what. "Who was that guy again? What was his name?" His name was Mike Post. He's an American composer and songwriter. He was born in 1930 and died in 2010. He wrote the theme music for several television series, including M*A*S*H, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Bob Newhart Show, Quincy, M. E., Hill Street Blues, St. Elsewhere, The Twilight Zone, Northern Exposure, and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. When he was still living, Mike Post did not want his name to be used on any more television shows. Suddenly Jack Clugman shows up to your house. He got an alert on his phone that someone mentioned Quincy, M.E. Mike Post's death has made him very sad. Jack looks a bit embarrassed, but also relieved. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry about everything that happened. You know, I really am. You decide to honor Mike Post by building a statue of Gary Orbok sitting in Magnum P.I.'s ferrari. When you're done with that, you'll send it to Jack. But first you have to finish the ferrari. "What will you do?" You smile. You attempt to "rent" a ferarri and take it on test drive. "What will you do?" "Take a ride." You don't notice any particular difference in the car. It looks like a Ferrari, feels like a Ferrari, drives like a Ferrari. You try to cast a mold of the Ferarri, but it just explodes into bits. "What will you do?" "Go back." It's getting late in the evening, so you decide to go back home. "What will you do?" You have the flaming wreckage towed to the dealership. You hand the keys to the salesman and say "steering wheels a little stiff." "What will you do?" You wait around for the car to be repaired. The salesman gives you a free t-shirt. "What will you do?" You have your mechanic replace the steering wheel. You ask the mechanic to just rebuild the frame so you can get back to working on the statue. You have your mechanic install the new steering wheel. Then you drive over to Jack Clugman's house. You show Jack Clugman you very rough tribute to Jerry Orbok. "What will you do?" You give the sculpture to Jack Clugman. "What will you do?" You head to the nearest bar and drink yourself silly.
EP 460 – Story #1 – You are taking a sitcom character personality quiz, the quiz will ask you progressively bizarre questions until i
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