EP 457 – Story #3 – You are Billiam Waterford and you’ve found a briefcase with 500 bucks in small bills.

Posted under Episode 457, Story On By Chief

You are Billiam Waterford and you've found a briefcase with 500 bucks in small bills.
 It's heavy, but not too bad to carry on your back if necessary; however, it might be best to leave this behind at the house rather than risk losing or breaking something of such great value as this one is.

The dye pack goes off in the briefcase and you rush to wash the money off in the ravine.
 You're about halfway there when the cops show up -- they seem pretty convinced that you killed someone after all. Fortunately for you, they don't have any proof yet, so maybe you can still make it out of here alive...

You take the painted money to your local drug king pin named Tony.
 He says he'll give you 100% more than what was originally offered by whoever put it into circulation. The only catch is that he needs to get rid of the original painting first (and keep his hands clean).

> You use the 500 dollars to recruit 25 eighth graders to take over the kingpin’s turf.

It turns out that your old buddy from high school turned informant had gotten quite rich running drugs under the noses of police departments all around town. His information led to several huge busts last month, including an undercover sting operation in which dozens of gang members were arrested on multiple charges, including weapons possession.

> You storm the kingpin's house with your army of eighth graders.

The kingpin has taken precautions against being surprised: he's surrounded himself with armed guards who have set their own dogs upon you! Luckily, these aren't trained attack dogs -- just normal mutts that will probably bite anyone who gets near them without permission.

You anticipated this and use an ice cooler full of luke warm natural casing hot dogs to distract the animals.  Now you have the kingpin right where you want him.

He tells you exactly why he became the head boss of a criminal organization. As a young boy, he used to play hide-n-seek with friends, and no matter how well they hid, he always found them within minutes because "it felt like I could smell my friend".

Tony looks at you through slit pupils and begins to transform into a Dog-Man!  You throw a handful of pepper straight into his nostrils.
  The burning sensation causes him to sneeze repeatedly until he is reduced to nothing but skin.
You take the cash he leaves behind and then run away before he comes back.
This isn't the most profitable way to deal with the problem, but it should be enough to buy you time to

You sell your pristine dog man pelt.

With some careful planning and preparation, you manage to acquire a large quantity of cocaine that is smuggled directly across state lines from Colombia. This stuff is guaranteed to blow up in your face though; it would be better to hold onto this for now while you work toward finding another source of product.