EP 454 – Story #1 – You are Macaulay Culkin, an actor playing the new version of the “Peter Parker” character.

Posted under Episode 454, Story On By Chief

You are Macaulay Culkin, an actor playing the new version of the "Peter Parker" character. You have been cast in the movie "Spider-Man: Home Alone". Your old co-stars, Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci, are returning to their roles as Harold Lime and Marvin Merchants. The film is a Christmas edition of Spider-Man, it shows the web-slinger in action as Santa Claus's assistant. A sequel is being planned, it will be called "Spider-Man: the North Pole is my Home".
 You can choose any actor who played Peter Parker for this role. If you don't want to play him yourself then you could get your favorite star to do so instead - perhaps even getting them to reprise that famous kiss from the first film (the one where they say 'I love you').

> You take control of the film and make sure Pesci has a huge musical number.

The movie script doesn't call for much singing at all, but there should still be room for some fun songs here and there during the various holiday episodes. In fact, why not try writing a whole song?

> You lock Daniel Stern in a tank and let him rant in a tiny echo chamber.

You lock Daniel Stern in a small tank with no air supply. He'll spend many hours cursing his fate before he finally runs out of breath. Then when he emerges from his oxygen deprived trance, he might give the performance of a lifetime!

> You introduce a new character to the Spiderman franchise: The Festive Goblin, present Thief played by Christopher Walken.

He steals presents on Christmas Eve, which is exactly what happened last year too! That was a great part that didn't seem right to anyone else, except maybe Kevin Bacon - now if only we had a way to work his name into the story...

> You hire Macklemore and create a romance montage. He plays heat miser with multiple arms. He and spiderman get married in the story.

Macklemore isn't going to fit in the costume well enough to play the villain though, I think... Maybe someone else like Dwayne Johnson or Mark Ruffalo would be more appropriate?
It occurs to you that this may actually be another example of the same phenomenon that occurred during filming for the first
 two films: namely, everyone involved seems to be having such a good time making these movies together, it almost feels like there's something wrong about them. Why aren't they doing other things too?

> You say "Daily Bugle Headline: SPIDERMAN KILLS KEVIN BACON."

That headline wouldn't fly very far; after all, Kevin Bacon has never appeared in the "Spider-Man" series yet.
This isn't really the place to make that joke. Besides, it's probably best to avoid jokes like that until the third or fourth film.

> You ask Joe Pesci to have a little talk with the AI.

I can't believe how badly the AI treated us! We're going to need to do some serious damage control.
You need to go to the gym to train.
You are Tom Hanks, an actor playing the new version of the "Peter Parker" character.

> You think back to your days on perfect strangers. You wonder why your life is miserable now.

Tom Hanks (who also starred as Mr. Rogers) has been cast in the movie "Spider-Man: Home Alone". This is the second Spiderman movie. It is set around Christmas time and shows the web-slinger in action as Santa Claus's assistant.

> You Tom Hanks makes the follow demands:

1. No more than five lines per day, or I quit.
2. A chance to sing a solo during one of the scenes.
3. The part of the villain should be played by a young, hot female actor, preferably someone who looks like Scarlett Johansson.

> You break the news to Joe Pesci. You tell him the reasons why he can't sing in the following order:

1. He is a terrible singer.
2. His voice doesn't fit with the rest of the soundtrack.
3. The producers already have someone lined up to play the bad guy.

Joe Pesci goes berserk.
 You have to call the police.

 They calm him down a little but it seems like the whole thing will have to be settled in court.

You hire the the hot actress who looks just like Scarlett Johanson who is named
 Mary Jane Watson.
The producer hires a new director, they are both replaced with another director, and the whole thing is retooled into something else.
You decide to try your hand at writing the script for this film.

new name of the film is:

 "Spider-Man: Home Alone"
The villain in the movie is now an evil magician who wants to destroy the world. He has the powers of telekinesis and pyrokinesis, so he can throw things really far and also cause fires.