EP 450 – Story #2 – You were born on New Years Eve.

Posted under Episode 450, Story On By Chief

You were born on New Years Eve. Because of your constant flatulence, you were named Firework. Today is your first day of high school.

The world is a strange place. But it's also beautiful. It was so different from the home I knew as a child. There are no cows here in this city. No pigs either.

You go to the cafeteria and order beans for lunch.
 You eat them alone because you're not hungry.
You walk outside and look up at the night sky. The stars twinkle brightly above you. They remind you of the fireworks that will soon be bursting overhead.

> You shout "I have turds in my pants!"

Nothing happens.
You hear a faint noise coming from inside the building. A dog barks loudly.
You see nothing but darkness.
You hear footsteps approaching. A man shouts angrily.
"What do you think you're doing?"

> You say "I'm finding my groove - lay off me, old man."

"You can't just take things without asking," says the angry man.
"Who said anything about taking? I'm borrowing."
"Borrowing? What does that even mean?"
"It means I'll be back tomorrow with the rest of the stuff."

You retreat to your burrow with the television.  As you remove the screen from the box, an object inside catches your eye: it is an old yearbook and a key.  You open the yearbook and it falls to a page with the name Umberto Humperdink. A flicker of recognition passes through your brain, but you can't quite place it.

You grab the key and lock yourself into the room where you keep all of your treasures.
You hear a voice call out, "Hey! What's going on in there?"
You answer by shouting, "I don't know what you want with me, but I've got shit in my
 pants and I'm not getting up!"
"Shit in your pants? That's disgusting."
"And now you're going to pay for it!" You shout.
You hear footsteps running away.

You kick the door open with your hands full of shit and start flingin'.

"I'll kill you!" You scream.
You hit nothing but air.
You drop the poop and the key, both of which fall to the ground.
You look down at your empty hands.

The quiet janitor had seen the whole thing. You being bullied and your outburst. He walks up to you and gives you a hug. You notice his faded nametag with the name Umberto.

"I'm sorry," he says. "That must have been really scary."
You tell him about everything that happened today. About how much you missed home. How everyone kept saying that you'd never amount to anything.