EP 449 – Story #3 – You are Jake the Jingo Janitor.

Posted under Episode 449, Story On By Chief

You are Jake the Jingo Janitor. You have declared WAR on all forms of dirt and refuse at AIPD High School. There are NO non-combatants. It's time for a clean sweep!

You must now find your way to Zephorin Manor, home of the most powerful being in the universe: The Queen Of All Things. She is both mother and father to all matter and energy, and thus she holds the key to controlling everything that you know about the world around you.

> You open the door and see that the Manor is absolutely filthy!

You enter the main hall. Everything here has been used by the Queen countless times over thousands of years, but somehow it still looks like a mess. 
The walls are covered with posters for her concerts, and there are piles of old concert programs everywhere.

> You notice your favorite band on her wall, it's Chumbawumba. Yuu get so excited singing Tub Thumping to yourself, you accidentally cause a disaster: a human remains tornado!

There's a pile of bones from when you caused the great "Human Remains Tornado" of 2014. But the Queen hasn't gotten angry yet.
You hear footsteps coming up the stairs. They stop outside your room.

> You fling open the door and see The Queen of Everything standing there.

She is wearing a magnificent gown made entirely out of stars. Her face is lit by the light of an entire galaxy.
"I was wondering who had come into my house," says The Queen of Everything.

> You lean in for a kiss.

"Oh, Jakey, I'm so happy to see you!" says The Queen of Everything, smiling down at you.
You feel a sudden warmth fill your heart.
"We haven't seen each other since you graduated high school."

> You tell her that if you can't clean up this mess, no one can.

"Of course, Jakey, of course. You've done such a wonderful job cleaning up the universe."
"So what do we need to do?"
"It will take me a while to prepare.
> You ask her for the following galactic cleaning products:
 100% cotton swabs, 200x surgical spirit, 3 gallons of bleach, 10 gallons of hydrogen peroxide, 1 gallon of ammonia, 2 cans of Dixie Cups.
"I'll have to prepare the area first.
> You create an irresponsible amount of mustard gas to clean up the human remains tornado which is still rampaging.

The Queen of Everything raises her hands and begins to chant.
Her voice is deep and resonant, and it fills the whole room with its power.
Suddenly the human remains tornado stops moving.

The Queen of Everything sings her favorite song:
 "Stars Are Like Swirls Of Dust In My Hair".
"Thank you, Jakey, you always were so good at keeping things tidy."
You are overcome with emotion.
"You're welcome, Your Majesty."

Chumbawumba makes a surprise appearance!

You know that you should be feeling guilty right now, but instead you feel only joy.
The Queen of Everything gives you a big hug.
"Let's go to bed, Jakey."

You give The Queen of Everything's bedroom a through cleaning.

"Jakey, you are such a sweetheart."
Your chest feels warm and full again.
You don't want to leave, but you also know that you must.
"I love you, Your Majesty."