EP 449 – Story #1 – You are suburban dad, Willie Tanner.

You are suburban dad, Willie Tanner. You live in Los Angeles, California, U S A. You want to seduce your "out of your league" younger wife, Kate, by dressing up as an eighties break dancer and showing her some "bitchin' moves" your children Lynn and what's his name showed you earlier in the day. You don't knock on the door to your bedroom, as you live there.  You expect to find your beautiful, smooth wife reading a female targeted magazine only to find the stupid alien that crashed into your house, two years ago, Gordon Shumway, elbow deep into private area. Oh no! She laughs in your face and so does ALF.

You try to leave but he blocks your way. He asks if you're going to kill him or not. You say: "Fuck off!" He says: "No." And then he tries to get you to join him in a dance.

> You lay a piece of cardboard on the floor from the trash can. You look that mother fucker, or should you say, wife fucker in his dead, cold, heartless, beady eyes and say "you wanna dance? That's your ticket to hell buddy". You square off to dance fight.

He gets angry and tells you to go away. You tell him to "fuck off" again. He grabs you around the throat with both hands and starts choking you. You can't breathe. You black out.

> You wake up and you are wearing Jason from AIPD's fancy clothes.

You see yourself in the mirror. You realize that it is actually YOU dressed up as Jason.
You think to yourself: "I'm going to strangle this bastard, right now, I am!"

> You are scared of the clothes. You live in the 1980's, but these clothes seem to be decades into the future from the year 2022. You let out a blood curdling scream that surprisingly turns ALF on.

You grab the back of your neck and squeeze.
The alien laughs at you. You turn to the window and smash through it with a giant wrecking ball.
"Bitch!" You shout, while smashing through the glass.

> You notice that ALF is gone. You realize you have won, but then the sobering notion of knowing that you win against ALF sinks in. You feel a cold air come over you and ALF's annoying blowing in the wind. He is now a ghost who is here to haunt you forever for murdering him. Your wife says out load "oh boy, I've always wanted to have sex with an alien ghost."

You are now alone in your house, completely naked, except for the big, purple penis sticking out of your crotch. The sun is setting and the stars are coming out.
You hear footsteps approaching.

> You don't recognize this big, beautiful purple penis. Your regular penis is pink and tiny, no bigger than an inch. Your pube hairs are longer. You realize that the penis must be a haunted penis from ALF's ghost. You somehow received ALF's dick by killing him.

You are so excited. You try to pull it out, but it won't budge. It feels warm and soft and the skin is slick. You reach down between your legs and start stroking it.

Alf's Ghost emerges in a blast.
 You are so startled that you drop the penis. You can see the ghost's huge, scary purple cock and balls.
You can't believe it. You stroke the ghostly penis with your hand.

You attempt to capture Alf's ghost in a ghostbuster trap.
 You set up the trap in the living room. You set the trap to release when a
n ALF
 walks past.
You walk into the living room and immediately trip the trap.
You see yourself in the mirror.

A single tear falls down your cheek and you don't have the will to wipe it off your face.

Your whole life has been a lie. Your marriage was a sham. Your wife just wants to fuck other men. You know she's never loved you. You can't stand the thought of being with another woman.

You sit alone in your mostly destroyed house, but you are happy that Alf is finally gone... or so you think!
 You notice something poking out of the wall. You look closer and realize it is the end of the purple dildo.
You pick it up. You examine it closely. You touch it with your finger.