EP 448 – Story #2 – You are Josiah Humble, the worlds most honest man.

Posted under Episode 448, Story On By Chief

You are Josiah Humble, the worlds most honest man. One day you wake up and discover to your horror that you physically can't tell the truth.
 The world has turned into a place where nothing is what it seems. You need to find out who framed you for murder and get back at them before they frame you for something else. And so you set off on an epic journey of self-discovery.

You ask your neighbor, "Have you seen anyone suspicious around here?"

Your neighbor looks down his nose at you disdainfully. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"A few days ago I was walking home from work when this guy came up behind me and put a bag over my head.
 He said he'd kill me if I told anyone."
"What did he look like?" asks your neighbor.
"He looked normal. Like you or me."
"Was he tall?

Your neighbor says he looked like an even tinier and more terminally ill Tim.

"Yes," you say.
"Did he have any distinguishing marks? A scar perhaps?"
"No."
"Then how do you know it was him?"
"Because I recognized the smell of his shoe polish!"

As a humble man, you can appreciate his work ethic of shining shoes.

"Oh," says your neighbor. "That's interesting."
"So, do you think you could help me find this person?"
"Absolutely not," says your neighbor. "Now leave before I call the police."

> You say "I am the police!"

"The police?" Your neighbor snorts derisively. "They're just a bunch of thugs and bullies. If you want to go after whoever framed you for murder, you'll have to take care of it yourself."

"I can solve this by myself," you bluff, and then skip forward
 in time to when you've solved the case.
"My name is Josiah Humble. I'm an honest man."
"Well met," says your neighbor. "But I don't believe you're an honest man.

You say, I can't tell the truth, but I can lie about your murder!

"What?"
"Yesterday I woke up and discovered that I couldn't remember anything past yesterday. But I remembered everything perfectly well until today."
"How odd," says your neighbor. "Let me guess -- someone must have drugged you with some kind of truth serum."

You say, I did except a drink from a man with a bandana last night.

"Why would anyone drug you with a truth serum?"
"To frame me for murder," you say. "And now I need to find out who framed me for murder."
"Well, you can't do that alone," says your neighbor.

You agree and you and your neighbor case the town looking for clues.

"This is the first shoe shop we passed," says your neighbor. "It's been closed since last week. Do you think the murderer has already gotten away?"
"I don't see how," you say.

You hear something behind the dumpster of the shoe shop and see Tiny Tiny Tim!

Tiny Tiny Tim is standing there with a gun pointed at you.
"If you move, I will shoot you," he says.
You look at him, puzzled.
"What are you doing here?"

You say, Hey! Look over there!

"Oh," says Tiny Tiny Tim. "I thought you were a burglar."
You say, Why don't you put down the gun?
"What?"
"Put down the gun," you say.

"I can't do that," says Tiny Tiny Tim. "There's no one around."
You say, There's no one around. Put down the gun.
"Why should I?"

You give Tiny Tiny Tim and cold hard dose of truth:

"Because you're a murderer."
"What?!" shouts Tiny Tiny Tim.
"You murdered a woman named Mrs. Kate Garson. You shot her in the face and left her to die in a ditch."

Tiny Tiny Tim has a moment of clarity and realizes he did do that shit.

"Wait," says Tiny Tiny Tim. "I didn't mean to do that. It was an accident. I was drunk."
You say, Don't worry about it.
"I'm going to kill you," says Tiny Tiny Tim.

You say I'm going to dance with you! Right Now!!!

"What?"
You say, Right now! I'm going to dance with you right now!
"You're insane!" says Tiny Tiny Tim.
You say, Yes! I'm insane!

And from that day forward you invented the dance named:
 The Dance of Insanity!
"Okay, okay," says Tiny Tiny Tim. "I'll let you live. Just stop dancing!"
"Of course," you say. "But first I have to ask you some questions."