EP 448 – Story #1 – You are Babs Loons and you are very protective of your cat niece big time lou

Posted under Episode 448, Story On By Chief

You are Babs Loons and you are very protective of your cat niece big time lou
. You have to admit, she is a little spoiled. But you love her anyway. And the more attention she gets, the worse it seems that something bad will happen to her. So when the local yokels start talking about taking away her beloved Uncle Fred for some kind of crime he didn't
 commit, you decide to do something about it. It's not like they'll actually kill him or anything. But maybe if you scare them enough...
The next day you go out in search of 
your cat
 and find yourself on the back porch of 
your Uncle's
 house.

> You see your uncle taped to the wall, no one else in sight!

The place looks deserted, but you don't think so. Maybe someone was here last night? You look around for clues as to what happened. The back door opens into a small room with a couch and a television set.

> You say "We should hire ALF to help us look for this Kitty Cat."

"No," says your uncle. He has been listening in the doorway.
"But Uncle Fred, we need your help..."
He steps forward and grabs you by the throat. "You want my help?
"
> You start to think Uncle Fred led you here under nefarious circumstances...

"Yes, I want your help!"
"Well, then get off me!" he yells. "I've got important things to do!"
"Uncle Fred, please! We're worried about big sis!"

> You reveal your troubled past to Uncle Fred.

"Big Sis?" asks your uncle. "Who's Big Sis?"
"My cat niece big time lou!"
"Your cat niece big time lou? What does that mean?"
"It means she's my only family and I'm very protective of her!"

> You let Uncle Fred know big sis big time lou is more family than you'll ever be! If you don't hand him over- you will cut you!

"Oh yeah? Well, how come I can't find her anywhere?"
"Maybe because you were supposed to keep her locked up in the cellar!"
"That's crazy talk! She wouldn't go down there!"

> You don't believe Uncle Fred and fight him for information.

"You just said you were keeping her locked up in the cellar!"
"Yeah, well, I was wrong. She must have escaped somehow!"
"Then why did you lock her up in the first place?"

You call him a jive turkey.
 "Because I thought she was dangerous!"
"Dangerous? How could she be dangerous? She's a kitten!"
"She's a cat, idiot! Cats are vicious killers! They'll rip out your throat and eat it while you watch!"

> You tell Uncle Fred the only way to get over your fear is to hug a tiger.

"So she's a wild animal now?"
"Don't make fun of me! She's a vicious killer! She might even attack you!"
"You're the one who locked her up in the cellar!"

> You take Uncle Fred to meet your drug dealer ex-boyfriend that owns a cute miniature tiger.

You drag your uncle through town until you reach a run-down old building with a neon sign that says "TIGER KITTY CATS". Inside, you find a shabby waiting room with a bored looking woman sitting behind a desk.

> You are afraid of the woman more than the impending big kitty cat.

"What do you want?"
"I'm here to see Tiger Kitty Cat."
"She's busy right now."
"When will she be available?"
"You can wait, but I don't think you'll be happy."

> You lean in for a kiss.

"Let me guess, you're the boyfriend, huh?"
"You're damn right I am! And I'm going to make you forget all about that stupid cat!"
You slap him across the face.

 You notice he's wearing big lou's teeny tiny hat!
 "Where's big sis?"
"I don't know what you're talking about!"
You pull his hat off and throw it at him.
"What the hell is this?"
"It's called a top hat, and it belongs to my cat niece big time lou!"

You also notice Cory's pants which have Tony's hair in the pockets.

"Are those Tony's pants?"
"Yes, and he's the one who stole my cat niece big time lou!"
"I knew it!" you scream. "I knew it was him!"

!
 
"Cory, you bastard! Where is big sis?"
"I don't know what you're talking about!"
"I know you took her, you little shit!"
"I didn't steal anything!

You look him dead in the eyes and say "Shut up, you kitty cat prowler! I hate you!"

He flinches and stammers, "Wh-what did you say?"
"I said I hate you, you little piece of shit!"
"You're not making any sense!"
"I never made any sense to you, did I?"

You throw Cory and Tony into the Tiger Kitty Cage.

"You bitch!" screams Cory.
"You're a real bitch, you know that?" you shout back.
"No, I'm not! Stop saying that!"
"I bet you wish you had big sis locked up in the cellar instead of me!"

You hear Big Sis, it turns out she was *
really* hiding under the couch!
"I'm going to kill you!"
"You're already dead, asshole!"
Big Sis jumps on Cory and starts clawing him.
"Stop it, you little fur ball!"

Big Sis murders.

"I'm going to tear your head off!"
"You'd better not try it, or I'll bite you!"
You hear the door slam open. It's Uncle Fred.
"Hey, where's my cat?"

!
 
"You were supposed to keep her locked up in the cellar!"
"Yeah, well, I was wrong. She must have escaped somehow!"
"Then why did you lock her up in the first place?"