You are Johnny Nevada, a man who's just broken up with his fiance. After a night of drowning your sorrows, you find a patent for an experimental Drink that cures the phobia of the elderly and gives you the ability to speak in tongues. It also makes your dick grow four times its normal size, which is great because you're on a date with three women at once. You have no idea how this happened. "We'd like to order two more glasses," says one woman. "And another bottle." "I'll get right on it," you say, turning back to the bartender. The bartender looks like he's about sixty years old. But you can't stop speaking in tongues and so the bartender gives you a strange look. "Hey," he says, putting down your drink. "Are you okay?" The other two women laugh as they sip their drinks. One of them has black hair and green eyes, but she's wearing a red dress with lots of frills. She's smiling at you. Her skin is smooth and tan. Her body is perfect. "I'm fine," you say, taking a big swig of your new drink. "Just thirsty." You excuse yourself to the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror. You realize that you need to cure this 'speaking in tongues' side effect or you are going to blow this date! You notice the experimental drink burned a strange symbol into your tongue: You stare at the symbol in wonderment. You've never seen anything like it before. You decide to take a chance and try out your newfound power. You walk back over to the table and sit between the three women. You reach out your finer and touch the symbol on your tongue and suddenly: "Oh my god!" says the redhead. "It's working!" "My gosh," says the green-eyed girl. "Your dick is huge!" The black haired woman laughs. You hear a loud noise and see the Kool Aid Man burst through the wall of the restaurant and yell, "Oh yeah!" You know exactly what has happened: the symbol on your tongue summons product mascots! "That's awesome!" says the black haired woman. "Do it again!" You do and the Kool Aid Man appears and yells, "Yeah!" "You're such a stud!" The ceiling starts to crack and another product mascot enters: the Mister Softee Man. He yells, "Hooray!" "You're so cute," says the green-eyed girl. "I love your little red hat." "Let me kiss it," says the redhead, leaning forward. The redhead kisses the Mister Softee Man and then his eyes glow red and he begins to bite her neck and steal her soul! "Stop!" you shout, jumping up from the table. "Get away from her!" The Mister Softee Man grabs the redhead by the throat and pulls her close, opening his mouth wide to reveal rows of razor sharp teeth. Out of desperation, you touch the symbol on your tongue again and in walks another product mascot: the Gatorade Guy. He immediately runs over to the Mister Softee Man and starts fighting him off the redhead. "No!" you scream, running towards the two men. "What's wrong?" asks the black haired woman. "This isn't right," you say, trying to stop the fight. "They're both mascots!" "Don't worry," says the green-eyed girl. "They can't hurt us. They're here to help us." You don't believe that for a second. The Gatorade Guy is struggling against the Mister Softee Man, who's now biting the Gatorade Guy's head off. You beg the Kool Aid man to intervene. "We've got to put an end to this!" you cry. The Kool Aid Man comes over and sees the Mister Softee Man attacking the Gatorade Guy. "You're not helping!" he screams. "Get out of here!" you yell, grabbing the Kool Aid Man's shoulder. "You don't understand!" he cries. "You're hurting people!" "No!" You grab a steak knife off one of the tables and cut off the symbol from your tongue and set it on fire. As you do, the mascots start to fade away. The Mister Softee Man fades first, followed by the Gatorade Guy. You watch as the Kool Aid Man disappears. You then hear a crash behind you and turn around to see the three women lying on the floor, unconscious. You also feel that your penis has returned to normal size. You pay for dinner and vow to never drink experimental drugs ever again. *** "Hello?" you say, knocking on the door. "I'm here to pick up my girlfriend." You hear some shuffling and then the door opens. It's the sexy doctor. Next time on "Taking Sexy Experimental Drugs": What happens when you take experimental sex pills? Find out next time on "Taking Sexy Experimental Drugs"! *** "Oh fuck yes," you moan, thrusting into the doctor's tight pussy.