EP 439 – Story #3 – You are Santa Claus.

You are Santa Claus. After last year's Christmas rounds, you decided to park your sleigh in the living room so it could be a conversation piece and also serve as additional seating when you have company. A year later, you are horrified to discover the sleigh has left terrible marks in the carpet!! Your schedule is jammed-pack, but have to get the ruts out before your big New Years Eve party!
 What do you do?
In this edition of "Santa Claus: The Game," you'll play Santa on his annual Christmas rounds. You'll visit all of the homes of your children, elves, reindeer, and even Mrs. Claus.

You tell Mrs. Claus you got her a big Christmas Tree to celebrate, but its actually just a Pine tree shaped air freshener from your sleigh.
 She loves it and asks if she can keep it after Christmas. You agree. You go to each of the other families and give them presents and they ask what you're doing for New Years Eve.

You realize this is the perfect opportunity to give out invitations for your bad ass New Years Eve party.
 Everyone will be expecting something from you, but you want to surprise them with an amazing party that everyone will talk about for years to come. You decide to invite all of the kids at their homes to join you at the party.

You tell Mrs Claus, "I invited the cast of AIPD, Jason, Tony and Cory, to come here for Christmas!"
 Mrs. Claus smiles and says, "That's wonderful."
"I'm going to invite all of the teachers and staff from my school, the principal, the superintendent, and the board members too."

You invite every person you bump into while buying the food and decorations.
 You buy tons of food and drink, and then you find out there are no stores open on New Year's Eve.
You realize you won't be able to make everything yourself. You'll need help, so you hire a few extra people to help out.

You level up and gain the following party animal abilities:

─ Party Animal - When you enter a room full of people, you become drunk on happiness and will begin dancing uncontrollably.
─ Thirsty - You can take a sip of any drink you see.

It is New Year's Eve and a ton of people have showed up to the party.  Mrs Claus is furious and you are drunker than you have ever been in your entire life.
 You walk around and tell everyone how great the party is. You try to dance with everyone but it is impossible. You end up sitting down and drinking.
You wake up in the morning and your head hurts.

You get up and endure a splitting headache as you walk into the devastated kitchen and eat one of the chocolates off the serving plate. It doesn't taste like chocolate and you exclaim "Oh Yeah, I ran out of chocolate, so I'm giving out reindeer poop as snacks."

You realize that Mrs. Claus is still angry, and you have to fix this. You rush over to her house and knock on the door.
"What is it?" She shouts.
"I'm sorry.

You turn to your friends Harold and Kumar and ask them for their advice on how to fix things with Mrs Claus.
 They say you should apologize. You decide to do that now.
You approach Mrs Claus and tell her, "I'm really sorry. I didn't know you wanted me to get rid of all the reindeer."

Mrs Claus yells, "That's not why I am angry!" and then she proceeds to list out everything wrong you did while you were blackout drunk last night:

She says, "You spent $300 on food and drinks. That was supposed to be for the kids' gifts and for the party. You bought way more food than we needed. We had to throw out a lot of food because you made us serve it all.

"The only reason you invited everyone here is so you could show off. You never asked if anyone else would be coming or if they could bring guests. You invited the entire cast of AIPD and the teachers and staff from my school.
 You didn't invite any of our neighbors or the other parents.
"You went to buy decorations and then you realized there weren't any stores open on New Year's Eve. So you ended up hiring a few extra people to help you decorate the place.

You then realize you are pissing on a large Persian rug covering the ruts in the carpet.  Mrs Claus moves the rug aside to see the ruts in the carpet caused by your sleigh and that is the final straw for her; she goes absolutely ape shit!

She yells, "And you pissed on my best Persian rug!"
You apologize again and offer to pay for a new rug, but she says, "No, I don't want anything from you."

You continue pleading and blubbering and its very embarrassing.
 Finally, you manage to convince her to forgive you.
You go back to the party and realize that everyone has left. You have no idea where the party favors are, so you decide to give out the reindeer poop as snacks.

Next time on "Santa's Rocking New Year's Eve":
 Santa's head explodes.
***
You are playing as Santa and you are hanging out with your friend, Tony. You are both drunk and you decide to play truth or dare. You choose to start off by asking Tony to truth or dare.
 He asks you what you would do if you were at home alone.
You tell him you'd probably watch TV, maybe have some hot cocoa and masturbate.
Tony laughs and tells you that he is going to dare you to kiss your sister, Christy.