EP 439 – Story #2 – You are a DR Notarealdoctor

You are a DR Notarealdoctor,
 
a Brain Surgeon who faked all his certificates 

to become the Top Brain Surgeon in All of the Midwest. Most People trust you with their health; they really shouldn't as you are a Fraud.
 You have been charged with a Crime that carries a sentence of life imprisonment. But you are innocent and will prove it!
It was the night before my wedding. I was lying in bed awake when my wife entered the room wearing nothing but her panties and bra.


You tell your
 wife "prepare for your pelvic exam". You then call your nurse Nurse Practitioner Totallyanurse. Nurse Practitioner Totallyanurse enter the room with a portable cooler and inside is the Kool-Aid Man's brain.
 You take out the brain and begin cutting away the top of the skull. Then you use the sharpest scalpel to cut off the top of the head. After you finish, there is no sign that the woman had ever been a human being.

You turn to Nurse Practitioner Totallyanurse and yell "I need 45000cc's of Kool Aid Stat!"

Nurse Practitioner Totallyanurse leaves the room. She returns after a few minutes with a large glass bottle filled with bright green liquid. It has a nozzle on one end and a cap on the other.

You whisper to your wife, "Ok, babe. Time for breast augmentation!"

Your wife looks at you with a blank expression.
"What?" she asks.
You reply, "This." And you place the nozzle into her left breast and push the button. The nozzle squirts out an amount of Kool-Aid equivalent to the weight of a small child.

You push the nozzle into her right breast and try to insert the same amount, but screw up and make it bigger than the other.

You then ask, "How much do you weigh?"
She says, "110."
You then say, "OK. This should be enough." You squeeze both breasts together and inject them with more Kool-Aid.

The surgery is a success: you have successfully implanted the brain of the Kool Aid Man into your wife.  After a few hours of recovering, you see your wife burst through the wall of the bedroom and yell, "Oh yeah!"

Your wife then rushes over to you and kisses you passionately.
"I'm so happy," she tells you. "I can feel the Kool Aid working its magic. My breasts are growing!"

Your wifes enormous Kool-aid titties soon attract media attention, and you are visited by Jim Jones (pre-meth).
 He wants to know why he isn't getting any Kool-Aid. You explain what happened and show him your wife's new boobs.
Jones decides that he would rather die than live without his Kool-Aid, and agrees to join your cult.

You initiate Jim Jones by giving him a choice of flavor for his giant breasts.
 His favorite is Cherry Kool-Aid. You give him the bottle of Cherry Kool-Aid and send him back to his cell.
A couple of weeks later, you are on your way to your honeymoon when your car breaks down.

You realize your car hit a spike strip and you are immediately surrounding by FBI and FDA agents.  You smugly yell, "Can't believe you bastards spiked the Kool Aid!"

You are arrested and taken to prison where you are put in solitary confinement. Your wife visits you every day, bringing you food and books. She also brings you a bottle of Cherry Kool-Aid each time.

Next time on "Sip Tuck":

The warden calls you into his office. He says, "We have a problem."
He then shows you a video of your wife in a porno movie. In the video, she is fucking a group of men.