EP 438 – Story #3 – You are Eminem, a famous rapper.

Posted under Episode 438, Story On By Chief

You are Eminem, a famous rapper. Today is the grand opening of Mom's Spaghetti, your new restaurant. You have decided to serve customers yourself as a publicly stunt. But as the first customer approaches the counter, you are overwhelmed by anxiety. Your knees weak, arms heavy
, and face hot with embarrassment.
"Hey, man," says the customer. "What's up?"
You take a deep breath, exhale slowly.
"Uh... hi."
"I'll have some spaghetti, please."

Eminem stares down at you and says "Meatballs?"

"Um..." You look back up into his eyes. "No. I mean, yes, but-"
"Oh, okay. That'll be $7.95." He turns to leave.

You realize you have forgotten to give this man back his change.  You hop into the crowd and try to find the man.
 It's like trying to track a needle in a haystack. The people here are so damn tall! And they're all wearing sunglasses! How can you find one person?
Then, from behind you, you hear the voice of another customer.
 "Hey, Slim Shady!" he calls out. "Get over here! I wanna talk to you!"
You turn around and see a short black man in a t-shirt and jeans.

You run over to Kayne West, your celebrity day shift manager.

"Kayne, what do we do?" you ask.
He shakes his head. "Don't worry about it. Just keep doing your job."
"But I don't know how to work this register!"

Kayne raps about how to work the register:
 "Take the order, then put it on hold. Make sure the customer has enough money for tip, then ring them up. Once they pay, you give them their food. If they want seconds, tell them 'sugar' and they'll come back later.

You level up and gain the following entry level fast food powers:

• Can serve customers personally.
• Must wear a name tag.
• Can now make change for customers.
"Serve the customers, get their money, and give them their food," Kayne explains.

You sing along with Kayne as you ring up the customers.
 You feel much more confident in front of the customers.
"Do you want some fries with that?" asks an old woman.
"Yes, ma'am," you say. "And can I get a medium coffee?"

You realize you have forgotten what all is on the menu, so you turn around and read all the menu items out loud:
 "Spaghetti, meatballs, spaghetti, meatballs, spaghetti, meatballs, spaghetti, meatballs, spaghetti, meatballs, spaghetti-"
The customer interrupts you. "I'm not eating that again!

You order the customer the mega-meat-ballzilla.

"So, um, where's the bathroom?" asks the customer.
"Just go outside and you'll see it."
You've never served a customer before. You don't know what to do.

You begin to walk the customer to the bathroom, when another angry customer gets in your face and yells "I want my fucken coffee fries!"

You turn around and yell "HEY! I'm serving this customer!"
The customer looks at you and says "Oh, sorry, man. I didn't know you were busy."
You are so embarrassed.

You touch the piss-laden doorknob to the bathroom for the customer and then go get this guy his fucken coffee fries.

"Thanks," he says. "Can you tell me how to get to the subway station?"
You point him in the direction of the nearest one.
"Hey, man," he says.

Kayne calls you into his office and gives you a performance review:
 "I've seen a lot of employees here today. Most of them were terrible. They couldn't serve customers, they forgot the whole menu, and they were always running off to take care of other customers.

"But there was one employee who did a great job. She served customers well, remembered the menu, and made sure to help other customers. I think she might be ready to become a shift manager."

You realize that the old lady that screamed at you, who doesn't even work here, has now become your boss.
 You are so happy!
You return to the counter and are greeted by the same angry customer. "Hey, man," he says. "I'm going to need two orders of spaghetti and three coffees.
 Can you handle that?"
"Sure," you say. "One sec."
You call over Kayne and ask him to show you how to ring up the customer.
"Here's the order," you say.

Next time on "Mom's Spaghetti 2":

You have been promoted to night shift manager. Your new duties include making sure that no one steals from the register. But your promotion also means you must deal with all the customers yourself, which is very stressful.