EP 437 – Story #3

You are Mr. Charity, a guy who is hosting The Legal Guardians awards show. You say, "The award for the best legal guardian raising a man over the age of forty goes to Jason from AIPD." Jason's adopted son, Tony, says, "Really? He hasn't been that great of a legal guardian." Jason angrily starts throwing chairs at Tony. You try to calm Jason down, but he starts screaming at you.
 You say, "I'm not sure I can help you if you're going to be this way." Jason says, "You think I should just let him die?" You say, "That's your decision to make.

A staff member rolls out a 

pallet of folding chairs.
 You ask Jason if he wants to sit down. He looks like he might punch you. You offer him a chair and he sits down. You tell him you'll give him some time to think about it.

You attempt to get the award show back on track and take the mic and say, "You can't see me, my time is now."
 You then walk off stage.
You go into an empty room where Tony has laid down on a table with his eyes closed. You approach him and say, "Tony, how are you feeling?"
 He opens his eyes and says, "Great! Now please leave me alone."
You say, "Okay," and turn to leave. As you do so, you hear Tony mutter, "Thank you, Dad."

Jason overhears Tony call you dad and is furious.
 He grabs you by the arm and yells, "What did you say to him?" You say, "Nothing. He called me 'dad.'" Jason says, "Bullshit!" You say, "Look, Jason, I know you're upset, but I didn't do anything to hurt Tony."

The awards ceremony is about to start. Jason is fuming as he takes his seat next to Tony. You go on stage and say "Welcome, and to kick off the event here is your emcee
, Mr. Charity." You introduce the first presenter and the audience applauds. After the first presenter leaves the stage, you announce the second presenter. The second presenter is your wife, Ms. Davenport.
 She comes out onto the stage and stands in front of the audience. She says, "I am so proud to present our award for the best legal guardian raising a man over the age of forty.
 We have three nominees this year: Jason from AIPD, Tony from AIPD, and Jim from AIPD.
Jason and Tony both stand up and accept their award. Tony thanks Jason and says he appreciates all he's done for him.

Tony's acceptance speech goes as follows:
 "My father has been the best legal guardian I could ever ask for. He has always been there for me, and even though he doesn't agree with me, he never judges me. He loves me unconditionally and I love him too.

Jason puts his chair down and looks moved, Jason gives his acceptance speech:
 "Tony, I don't know what to say. I'm so happy that you're getting the award and that we can share it together. You've given me a lot of support through the years and I hope you know how much I appreciate it.
 And I know you're really grateful to me for taking care of you. I want you to know I love you very much and I'm sorry for everything that's happened between us. If it makes any difference, I'm sorry too.

You notice the awards envelope has been tampered with and you suspect foul play.  You look at the actual winner of the award and it is Jim!  You interrupt ceremony and correct mistake.
 You announce, "In fact, the award for the best legal guardian raising a man over the age of forty goes to Jim from AIPD." The audience cheers.
You get up on stage and hug Jim and shake hands with Jason and Tony.

The audience boos you.
 Jason shouts, "You said he was the best legal guardian!" You say, "I did not."
Jason points to the screen and says, "That's a lie!"
You point to the screen and say, "It is not."

The audience boo's again.
Jason shouts, "How can you be so stupid?"
You shout back, "How can you be so rude?!"
Jason shouts, "You just admitted he won!"

 Jason goes to the pallet of chairs and covers you in steel folding chairs.  The audience cheers.
 You get up on stage and try to get the audience to quiet down. They cheer even louder. You then tell them, "You have no idea how hard it is to raise a child."
You then turn to Jason and say, "And you know how hard it is to raise a child."

You adopt Jason and immediately ground him.
 You take away his phone, computer, TV, and any other form of entertainment. You also cut off his allowance and forbid him to leave the house unless accompanied by an adult. You give him a list of chores to do around the house.

The list of chores is cruel and contains:
 cleaning the toilet, washing dishes, vacuuming, and sweeping. You make sure to remind him that he will not receive his allowance until he completes these tasks.
After a week, Jason is exhausted and demoralized.

Tony comes to visit Jason. He brings Jason a metal chair to throw.
 Jason is ecstatic.
Jason throws the chair and it hits Tony in the face. Tony falls to the floor and breaks his nose. Tony then proceeds to beat Jason with a hammer. Jason is crying as Tony beats him.

Exhausted, Tony and Jason lay on the floor and Tony says "Happy Blimp day Dad"
 and laughs.
Jason gets up and walks to the door. Tony grabs him and pulls him back. He says, "You're going to do what I say. Understand?"
Jason says, "Yes."

Next time on "I am the father now!":
 Jason is in the kitchen making dinner. He hears the doorbell ring. Jason opens the door and Tony is standing there with a gun in his hand. Tony says, "I'm here to pick up my son."