EP 435 – Story #3

Posted under Episode 435, Story On By Chief

You are Cory Jostar, an early 20th century paleontologist. You've found yourself the target of a mysterious group of magic wielding assassins but little do they know that you've been hiding your stand Cory's Clothes for situations just like this. As you stare down the barrel of an assassins gun, you say "Clothesu!"
 and your outfit transforms into something more appropriate to the situation.
─ New Outfit: The Stuffed Shirt
Your shirt is now a tattered white rag with blood stains on it. It has been shredded by bullets, ripped apart by claws, and torn in half by teeth.

You level and your stand imbues you with the power of:
 Brawling (Ex): You can use unarmed combat to deal damage to enemies. When using this ability you have advantage against opponents who are at least one size larger than you. This ability replaces your normal unarmed attacks.

You use a Meatball sub from Subway to give you full energy.
 Then you set out to find the source of the problem.
You have followed the trail of dead bodies left behind by the assassin and his minions all the way back to their lair. Your weapon is in perfect condition as you approach the door.

You use your brawling ability to bash through the door.
 Inside you see the remains of several corpses. There are two humans, one elf, and one dwarf. The dwarf looks like he was a fighter, but the other three appear to be innocent victims.

You roll investigation to determine their cause of death.

─ Victim: Human Male
─ Cause of Death: Stabbed in the heart
─ Weapon: Dagger
─ Attribute: Sneak
─ Profession: Adventurer
─ Condition: Heartbroken
The dagger has a +1 enchantment on it, making it more deadly.

You loot the enchanted dagger from the heartbroken corpse. The dagger imbues you with the additional ability:

─ Blood Magic (Ex): You can use your blood as a catalyst for spells and rituals.
─ Minor Create Undead (Ex): You can create a single undead creature of up to Medium size.

You raise all the corpses in the room as your allies.  The man with the dagger in his chest says, "My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping."

"Why did they kill you?" You ask.
"I'm not entirely sure. They were after me specifically. But why? I'm a nobody. I'm just a small time business owner who doesn't have any real money.
 This is Jason Butterstar's fault.
 He told me to go to the warehouse district and take a job from some guy named... Um... A-a-alright. I'll just call him Mr. X. He said it would pay well, but I didn't think anything of it.

You ask Kira to take you to where he met Mr. X.

Kira takes you to a building near the docks. You see a large sign that reads, "Mr. X's Warehouse District." The sign is attached to a metal door with a large lock on it.

"Oh yeah!" I say. "I know Mr. X. I come down to Mr X.'s Warehouse District all the time for
 my deliveries. I usually get there around 7 AM. I deliver goods to all the businesses in the warehouse district, and then I go to the Kame Yu store to pick up the money. It's always pretty busy because of the early hour.

Mr X reveals himself and you lean in for a kiss.

"Ah! Oh! No, wait, we need to talk first." He says. "I'm sorry about what happened, but I'm afraid you're going to have to die. I can't let you leave this place alive."

Mr. X reveals himself to be Dio. He stole your first kiss and he must pay!

"So, you're saying that I have to die, but I'm not allowed to kill you?" You ask.
"Well, yes. I mean, no. That is, I could kill you, but you'd probably get away.

You are interrupted by a swarm of Mr. X fans.
 You quickly put your sword away and try to slip out of the room unnoticed.
"No, no, no. We need to talk about this," Mr. X says. "I'm really sorry about this.

You hand the sword to a young boy and ask him his name. He says "Cory". .... 30 years later Cory says "and that sword is the one you now have Timmy the Taker".

"I'm sorry about this, but I have to kill you. I'm sorry." Mr. X says.
"But why?" You ask.
"Because you're a hero, and heroes always die in the end."

"Let's just pretend this never happened, I say." You walk away from Mr. X and his fans. I still think about that day, and I still think about Timmy.

You are a hero, and you will do whatever it takes to defeat evil. You have defeated the assassins, but now you are faced with a new threat.
You decide to visit the temple of Grumble, the god of mischief and mayhem.

You pray to Grumble and he gives you the ultimate power to defeat Mr X:

─ Name: Timmy the Taker
─ Level: 15
─ Skills: Pickpocket 5, Disarming Trap 4, Intimidate 3, Body Slam 2, Backstab 1, Sneak 2, Blink 10, Hide Presence 9, Sleight of Hand 6, Charm Person 8, Un
armed Combat 5, Knife Throwing 3, Jump 7, Cripple 8, Shadow Walk 6, Poison Resistance 7, Create Undead 5, Alter Self 6, Enlarge Item 6, Darkvision 8, Find Traps 6, Web 4, Haggle 7, Disarm Trap 6, Magic Resistance

You and Timmy the Taker defeat Mr X.
 You are both so happy to have finally defeated the villain. You reward Timmy with a kiss and you give him your sword as a symbol of gratitude.
You receive a notification that you have completed the quest "The Kiss is the Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship."