EP 435 – Story #2

Posted under Episode 435, Story On By Chief

You are Mr. Novelist, a writer who has come up with a great idea for a book. You write your idea on a piece of paper which you leave on your desk at work. One of your co-workers, named Timmy Taker, takes the paper that has your idea on it and uses it as toilet paper. You want to get revenge on Timmy by taking something that he loves.
 The problem is, you don't know what he loves or where he keeps his valuables.
You decide to spy on him. That evening, after work, you go home and make some dinner.

Dinner is part of the plan, you've invited Timmy Taker over for dinner.
 You tell him to wear casual clothes so you can see what he's wearing. After dinner, you put on your robe and sit in front of the TV watching football. When you hear Timmy Taker come in the door, you stand up and turn off the television.

Timmy Taker enters and is disappointed that you ate dinner without him.  He takes a brick from your front porch and
 throws it through the glass door into the kitchen. Then he goes upstairs to change out of his work clothes. While he's changing, you go upstairs and look around.
"Hey! What are you doing?"

You reach for your antique dagger and brandish it at Timmy.
 "I'm going to cut you!"
"Don't be silly. I'm not worth it."
You drop the knife and back away. "What do you mean? How did you get in here?"

Timmy takes the knife.
 "The front door was open, so I just walked in. You're lucky that I didn't kill you."
"But how did you get in?"
"There's a spare key under the flowerpot by the door."

How could Timmy have possibly known that? Who is Timmy? WHAT is Timmy?!

It took me three tries to find the right answer. I was trying to think of all the ways that someone might break into my house. The first two answers were obvious: they could either break in through the windows or they could break in through the doors.

You ask Timmy "What do you want from me?!"

"Your money," he says with a grin.
He grabs the knife from you and walks towards the stairs.
"Wait! Stop!"
Timmy stops and turns to face you.

You give Timmy a pizza that you had stored in your bedroom.
 "Here, take this instead. It's better than nothing."
Timmy accepts the pizza and sits down on the couch. He starts to eat it while you sit next to him.
"So, what do you want?"
 you ask.
"A story. You said you would write a story for me."
"I thought you wanted money?"
"Money isn't everything. If I was going to steal money, I wouldn't use the front door.

So you want a story? I'll tell you the best one I know. It's called
 'The Man Who Had No Arms.' This guy lived in a cave in the middle of nowhere. One day, a farmer came along and offered to share his food with the man if he helped him plant a field.

As you told the story to Timmy, he
 became more and more excited. He started to imagine himself as the man in the story. He imagined that he had arms and hands and fingers, but that his body was missing them.
After a few minutes, he looked up at you and said "I know how to fix that!"

"I'll tell you when we're done. But first, I need to ask you something."
"I have a question for you. What is the most valuable thing you own?"

You tell Timmy the most valuable thing you own is:
 "My sword."
"And what is the second most valuable thing you own?"
"My watch."
"What is the third most valuable thing you own?"
"My car."

Timmy Taker takes your sword, your watch, and your car.
 Then he tells you to go to bed. You can't sleep. You keep thinking about what Timmy has taken from you.
In the morning, Timmy wakes you up. "Get up!
 We're leaving."
"Because I'm tired of waiting. Now get dressed and let's go."
You start to protest. "Where are we going?"
"To sell your stuff.