You are Clement Gardner, a US Army Captain who is Addicted to Bannna Bread and wants to escape the Military and live his dream life of working as a renowned Meat Packer. But you will not be able to do that if you get caught by the Russians. So your only option is to try to survive in a hostile land where you have no idea what to expect next. You feel paranoid and decide to prepare for the worst. You put on Cory's partially melted pile of clothes for maximum protection against the Russians. The pants are still a little too big but they should help keep you warm enough. Then you strap on your Russian-made AKM assault rifle with an extra full magazine just in case you run into any trouble. Then the worst happens: a Russian janitor eats your banana bread. *** "Hey, Corporal," you say to Cory as you walk up to him. "I'm going to go take a dump." Cory looks at you like you've grown another head. Cory follows you suspecting that you were telling a lie. Cory sees you lying in wait ready to attack the Janitor in the bathroom. Cory asks you, "What the hell are you doing?" You turn around and look at Cory, pointing your weapon at him. "He was eating my bannna!" You exclaim. "Bannna?" Cory asks. "Banana bread," you reply. You begin strangling the janitor who is caught off guard and looks very confused. You're surprised by how easy it is to kill someone. It's not like in the movies where you need to aim carefully and take out a target with a single shot. In reality, you can just pull the trigger and most people die instantly. Cory tackles you and knocks the gun from your hand. You explain that the janitor must be a soviet spy. Cory tells you that is ridiculous and that you have just killed a man about to retire because of your idiocy. "What am I supposed to do now?" You ask. "First, you are going to go back to your room and finish packing your stuff," Cory says. "But, he was eating my bannna!" You protest. Cory rolls his eyes. "Go pack your shit." You sigh and return to your room. You gather up all your belongings and then head downstairs to the basement. There you find a janitorial closet with some cleaning supplies and a mop and bucket. You return to the bathroom to cleanup the crime scene, but when you arrive with the cleaning supplies, the Janitor's body is missing. Instead, there is a small mound of brown hair on the floor. You open the door to the bathroom and see a pile of black fur on the ground. You reach down and touch the fur. You notice this fur belongs to a wolf. "Crap," you whisper. You look around the bathroom for any clues as to what happened. Then you hear a loud thud coming from upstairs. You rush to the stairs and see a large hole in the ceiling. You explain to Cory that the janitor you shot was secretly a werewolf. Cory shakes his head in disbelief and says, "What kind of crazy bullshit story are you trying to make me believe? That some Russian janitor ate your bannna and turned into a werewolf?" You try to prove your case by showing Cory the fur and the hole in the ceiling. "That's impossible," Cory replies. "What do you know?" You snap at him. "You've never been to Russia!" Cory laughs at your outburst and says, "If you're going to tell me that you've been to the moon, then maybe I'll listen." You hear a noise come from the kitchen. You rush in and see the Werewolf cooking banana bread! "How did you get out of the closet?" You ask. The Werewolf turns around and growls at you. You see its sharp teeth and realize that you are in serious danger. You quickly back away and trip over the mop and bucket. You brace yourself to be attacked, but instead you feel the warmth of fresh baked banana bread enter your mouth. Your eyes open to see the Janitor has transformed back into his human form and baked you an apology banana bread. "Oh, thank God," you moan. Cory laughs and says, "That was close." You both sit down and eat the bread. "So," Cory says. "What's next?" You think for a moment and then say, "We need to get out of here before the Russians find us." Cory thinks for a second. "Okay, but where are we going?" Russian Janitor interrupts and tells you his name is Alexei. He offers to take you to a place called Stalingrad, which is not far from here. "Stalingrad?" Cory asks. "Isn't that a city in Russia?" Alexei nods and says, "It is a city in Russia." You look at Cory and smile. "You're right," you say. "This is a crazy story. Let's go to Stalingrad." You and Cory follow Alexei to Stalingrad. You arrive at a strange building that looks like a giant warehouse. Alexei tells you that he works in the building and will take you to his office. "Why do you work here?" You ask. Alexei shrugs and says, "I don't know. I just like to help people." As you walk through the building, you see people working and cleaning. They seem happy to have a job. When you enter his office, you see that it is full of old books and maps. Alexei reveals a secret about himself: he is actually a werewolf. He explains that he came to America to escape the Soviets. He didn't want to be locked up and tortured for being a werewolf. He says that if he had stayed in Russia, he would have been sent to Siberia. Next time on "Metal Gear Solid 6: Moon Werewolves": The three of you set off on a journey to find the legendary town of Stalingrad. You wake up in a bed in a dark room. You hear voices outside the door and a knock.
EP 434 – Story #1
Posted under Episode 434, Story On By Chief