EP 432 – Story #1

Posted under Episode 432, Story On By Chief

You are Tyrion Lannister, drinking from a canister and sliding down a bannister.
 You have been wronged by your wife and your father, you have lost your hand and your brother is dead. The whole of Westeros turns against you. You were betrayed by the man who swore to be your shield.

You reminisce about your most cherished memory about your shield.
 It was in Dorne, when he saved my life with nothing but his own sword. He had no horse or armor. Just that sword. I knew then that I would die for him if need be.

You rewrite your memory of the shield from being naked to wearing Cory's clothes.
 You're not sure why you feel this way, but it makes sense to you.
You are Tyrion Lannister, riding a horse through the woods, holding a sword in one hand and a crossbow in the other.

You head to the brothel, your happy place.
 You've never felt so good as you did there with Cersei, and you want her again.
You walk into the brothel and find it has changed. There is no sign of Cersei or her guards.

You lean in for a kiss with your favorite pros
 She slaps your face away and tells you she doesn't do that anymore. She shows you a letter on the table. It says: "I'm sorry. I'll never come back here."

You see a pile of Cory's clothes on the floor and understand immediately what has changed.

You walk out of the brothel and go home.
You are Tyrion Lannister, walking through the streets of King's Landing with a bloody sack over your shoulder. You pass by a tavern where men and women are fighting each other with knives.

You try to sneak past, but someone calls out your name and drags you into the tavern brawl.  It is none other than:

"My Lord Hand!" They say. "We thought you were dead."
"No thanks to you," You snap at them. "What happened?"
They tell you how they tried to arrest Cersei for murder, but she escaped.

You ask to see their ID, it says:
 "Ser Jorah Mormont."
"He's dead," You reply. "The bear knight is dead."
"Not dead enough," Someone mutters.
You look around and realize everyone in the tavern is staring at you.

Your bloody sack has not gone unnoticed.
 A woman comes up to you and asks you to give it to her. You do so without thinking and she goes to work cleaning it.
"Thank you," She says. "This is very valuable."

The woman opens the sack and is shocked to see inside:

A dwarf's severed hand.
"How did this get in here?" She asks.
"It was in my sack," You reply.
She looks at you suspiciously and then notices the letter on the table.

She reads the letter out loud:
 "I'm sorry. I'll never come back here."
You tell her everything that happened. She's sympathetic but she cannot help you. She offers to make you a new set of clothes.

She fashions you a pair of wee assless pantaloons.
 She also gives you a nice tunic and a cloak. She insists on giving you her own dagger.
You thank her profusely and tell her you will always remember her kindness.
You leave the brothel and go to the blacksmith's shop.

You try and pawn the dagger at the blacksmiths.
 He refuses to buy it.
You then go to the armorer's shop. The armorer buys the dagger.
You leave the armorers and go to the whorehouse.
You find the proprietor and ask if she will give you another room.
 She says she can't.
You ask her if she knows where Cersei went. She tells you she does.
You follow her to a seedy inn called the Laughing Gnome.

You enter the inn and see Cersei. She is
 sitting at a table with three men. You approach her and demand to know where your son is.
"He is safe," She replies. "But he will not be coming home."
You slap her across the face and tell her to tell your son that you love him.

"I have loved only one man," She says. "And you killed him."
You grab her by the throat and slam her into the wall.
"Tell me where my son is," You snarl.

You hear your son cry out from the back room:
 "Father! Father!"
Cersei laughs and you feel a sharp pain in your side.
You release her and she lunges at you. You grab her wrist and twist her arm behind her back.

The three men finally do something.
 They attack you. One grabs your left arm while the other two try to wrestle you to the ground.
You grab one of them by the hair and pull his head back. You snap his neck with a quick jerk.

Next time on "Lannister & Sons":

You are standing over the body of your wife, Serra. You hear the sound of hooves and turn to see a white stallion galloping toward you.
"Tyrion," The rider shouts.